why should you vote for me?

So before i say anything, everybody raise your hands because i just read somewhere that Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart are back. Maybe its a gossip, and not true, but i would like to believe its true and i would like to say Oh Snap and dance inside my head…

I am a dark person, totally twisted and most of the time my mind is a crazy place but i like to see world as a happy place. I have been in love with these two people since i first read and watched Twilight.

You see I’m like the worst kind of person you can have around but i do have some nice things about me.

Why should i be nominated as Super Hero of the year?

I believe in equality, if not me then who? Come on. If i could i would have voted for Obama but sorry dude Sir im kind of not eligible but yeah go Obama.

I love love love Dogs and if i could i would buy a huge mansion and own lots and lots of dogs because i cant stop loving them. Even though losing one has broken my heart into tiny little pieces that can never be fixed. No animal cruelty and violence in my secret world, where im the queen. Of course only few people live in that land, me and voices in my head.

I love everyone, im big on giving love. Don’t believe me? Ask all the fictional characters i spend days talking to and falling in love with. Yes, i do know i give less attention to real flesh and blood around me but hey giving love is giving love…right?

I believe in spreading music around. How? Take a drive with me and you will see how i put on loud music and sing along with my windows rolled up. Who does that? Offering free awesome music along with a karaoke session.  Man! I can make you cry with the pain in my voice when i sing along a sad song. For disclamer purposes the pain would be physical torture caused on your ear drums and not the emotional soothing heart wrenching melodious one, but hey Pain is Pain. No discrimination when it comes to music in my land.

I believe in diversity. Some days im Batman, some days Hulk and then i do like to play Spidey too. Don’t believe me? Come to my room. So much clothes and books and socks and shoes everywhere, you will be lost and stuck…where do you get lost and stuck? In a Spider’s web…see? did you get it? Im a Spidey too.

Am so awesome that even the word “Awesome” gets upset if not used for me. Im like Jack of all trades and Master of all Jacks.

I can be a Super Hero with talent to be all of them, sometimes at once. A night creature who stays up all night and sleeps at work while still managing to kill the deadline. I can write a story inside my head while staring at my work PC screen for 30 minutes. I can go in and out of a conversation around me without the others knowing it because i nod, unknowingly and amazingly i nod, even though I’m at some fun place inside my head. I can listen to one song all day and yet end up screaming singing its lyrics in car (while coming back) like i just heard it for the first time. I can buy books and not even read them and still buy more because i have no books to read. I can quote “You’ve Got Mail” in every situation because i think i have never been in love like im in love with Katheleen Kelly and because “I’m a Lone Reed”…see quoting. Did you get that, Lone Reed from the movie? No you didn’t? Go watch You’ve Got Mail. How can you  not watch that movie and not love it and not quote it?

I can waste time like no one else can by thinking of four random things that i need to do and crossing them one by one singing Eeny, meeny, miny, moe only to realize i just need to do one thing and i have no time now because its like 2 AM in morning. Lastly, I (and this is for real, like TRUE STORY real) can drink a cup of coffee and sleep right after that for hours without even feeling bad for wasting, the coffee and, time i spent making it with hope of waking up my dead brain.

Phew! Honestly i don’t have anything to say. I am a twisted soul with one good thing about me i don’t like to talk nice things about me. Kind of humble. So even if you do not want to vote for me, i would be so not okay okay I mean after all Im already So Awesome…

Superheroes

Guess which one is Little?

What do you think? Awesome? Or Awesome?

Er, excuse me mister, can i buy a copy of ‘Simple steps to act like a grown-up’…

I have Avril Lavigne’s “Here’s to never growing up” on repeat and I’m enjoying it lottt…why? Because Avril is one of those people I fell in love when I was this weird looking school girl who was living one of the best years of her life. Also, this song is kind of my anthem, because I don’t want to grow up.

I know, I know…Little you are 27 and in few months you will be 28…you are already a grown up by the definition of it. But then, that’s the thing… or I should say that’s the freakin problem with me. I don’t act like one. I should, I’m suppose to. The day I will act my age, a lot will be solved and many people will take a sigh of relief.

Grow your hair, get rid of those sneakers, stop buying t-shirts, learn how to cook, become social and start visiting relatives and family members, stop staying up till 3, start getting up early, act responsible, talk practical, act girly and look girly, clean your room, attend family weddings and get married.

How do I do all this with my head messed up, depression being the season inside me all year round, blues being the colour of my life, anger being the song of my life, me dressed up in fear 24/7…how? Believe me I would love to just throw away all my craziness and become responsible, grown up, practical and everything I’m suppose to be. Nobody enjoys awkwardness when interrogated with:

“You know you should grow your hair”

“Why don’t you wear heel?”

“Wow?  You never wore mascara?”

“OMG! You don’t wear dresses?”

“So do you have a boyfriend?”

“Hey how are you? Long time…when are you getting married?”

I can’t stop being me, which might be a good thing if you go by the philosophical and motivational posters that at scream you “Be yourself”. Only problem, whoever made those posters and sayings never met me.

I look at myself and I wonder where am I going? It’s not just how I live, how I dress up, what I believe in and how different I feel…it’s just that sometimes I can’t see anything ahead. Like I don’t believe in tomorrow, like tomorrow is a myth. My friend asked where do you see yourself few years from now and I said I don’t know. Truth is when I was a kid I was too eager to grow up, I remember being a teenager who wanted to just become a grown up. Now I’m one, at least I’m suppose to be one, but I don’t want to move. I want time to stop, just stay still. It’s not about growing old; it’s about growing every day and walking towards unknown.

I want to breathe and the more I walk towards tomorrow the more difficult it becomes, like a noose tied around me.  Few days back there was a talk future, my friends were talking about getting together and working on something, like a business thing. I asked myself; where would I be then? I don’t know how people look up ahead and plan something. I don’t know how people act like they are suppose to. I don’t know how to go bed like a normal person, sleep, wake up and live a day with a smile.

When someone asks me you slept at 3? What were you doing? I can’t tell them…I was crying for some time and then I had to stay awake for few minutes to make sure I don’t sleep with crying eyes to avoid bad swelling teary eyes in the morning.

The very fact that I relate to Charlie’s teenage character from “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” book should tell you how grown up I’m.

You are not suppose to act rebellious when you are a grown up…but then you are not suppose to be damaged, twisted and living on the wrong side of sanity either.

 

 

 

Being the odd one out…weirdly creepy or awesomly awesome?

Do you know that girl who walks into a party in her t-shirt, denims and canvas shoes with zero makeup and messy hair? That would be me.

I hate to go to parties because I don’t drink, I don’t like crowd and out of 50 people not a single one is usually my friend. But today I found another reason to dislike parties.

Girl: hey what are you wearing for the office party?
Me: aa..whatever, I haven’t thought much about it
Girl: o come on, you have to wear a dress. You know I bought a black dress. Here I will show you the pictures.
Me: Nice…great dress
Girl: right? I bought it on sale. So what are you wearing?
Me: I don’t know
Girl: Don’t tell me you are wearing what you always wear? you have to wear a dress. You can take one from me.
Me: (banging my head on the wall mentally)
Girl: you know blah blah blah
Girl: and blah blah blah
Me: smiling nodding wondering why the hell I’m even standing there. Later realising I was waiting for the washroom to get vacant.

So, I don’t like girls who think drinking, flirting, partying and getting wasted is fun. While I don’t mind all this (I don’t mind because I’m too self absorbed to notice others for how they live), but I do not like people who judge others on based of what they wear, how much they party, what they drink and how much friends they have.

Only I know how badly I want to avoid the office party, but won’t be able to unless there is a miracle.

Today (no I’m not talking about just this conversation) Gotham was mean to me. At one point, I was at my seat trying to block all the noises with my headphones, while begging my tears to stay right where they are inside and not fall out. I messaged my mentor and best friend and told her I missed her. Truth is when she was with me at Gotham, it was the safest place on earth. Now it just hurts everyday.

Sometimes I wonder how easy would life be if I turn into one of those girls around me. No issues except boys, parties, dresses, shopping and booze. Who is better them or me? They might be crazy nutheads but at the end they do not run from people, are social, do not cry at night and do not live with a fictional world inside their head. While I ask myself if they are better than me, I also wonder how real are they?

You want to know the level to which my awesomeness has dropped? Its been raining since morning and I don’t care much. Yes, you heard me right. I said that and its like so not me. Rain and I are bff but today I didn’t care much.

My laptop is still dead and thus I’m not able to visit all the blogs. Excuse me for that. Will visit soon, just too hard to access blogs on phone and tab.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

I did not write this post, wasn’t me…seriously, not me.

I have a secret, no no no I’m not giving you the “why I’m blue and twisted” story…it’s a small secret. I’m hopeless romantic, I love romantic comedies and romantic songs, I would love to get married and the whole idea of writing a wedding vow is so touching to me…but I refuse to acknowledge this and after I writing this post I would easily deny I wrote this post.

A friend of mine asked me “what’s the best thing about love songs?”…I said they just add to the pile in your phone and destroy the memory card and finally you have to buy a new one”…she called me unromantic and we laughed. Let me tell you what I really would have said.

The best thing about love songs are they make you a happy person, remind you of what you feel for real and smile even when you are at the worst mood of your life because you just thought about one person you love the most. Love songs make me you see your lover everywhere even when you are living miles apart. Love songs are like medicine to any pain. Everyone has a love song, because they are like heart beat you have to have them around, in your life to feel alive, to feel the pulse inside you, to feel the happiness in life and to never forget the love you feel for someone special.

So I was watching Gossip Girl and this woman in the show was having trouble writing the wedding speech and I was like “why? Whoa! I can do it even though I m on the top of the list of “people who are going die alone with no true love”. How can you not write a wedding vow, it’s a crime to not feel love inside, if I can…anyone can.

I might never accept how much I love happy endings, idea of two people getting married, love stories, mushy love lines, sweet songs about love and whole concept of doing everything for happiness of one person, but denying it all doesn’t make it any less true.

That’s why I say dibs on love in next life, so I do not have to deny how much I love love songs…

I cant think of a title for this one…!!!!

I can’t believe but I’m actually looking forward to going to Gotham tomorrow, because this isn’t the break I want again. Sometimes my family ends up being even crazier than me. I think I have found true love in Blueberry Pancakes. Can’t get enough of them.

Today I mailed first two chapters of Jane Doe to 4 friends of mine and I don’t know if they will like it. but good thing, after reading the first 2-3 chapters I end up with editing which is better than not touching the story at all. I think I’m scared of doing things that make me happy and I have no idea why.

Sometimes when I end up going too blue or having a thought I shouldn’t, I try to tell myself that I may have some kind of psychological disorder else I wouldn’t act like this. I envy people who can talk about why or what hurts. I can’t talk so when it hurts I either cry (which is crazy because I can’t cry when I want to, no matter how hard I try and when I’m surrounded by people at most busiest day my tears come right out of nowhere. I have very moody and crappy tear glands.) or I end up eating calories for example, two days of pancakes, hotdog, chocolate pastry, veg toastiest and coffees.

So my obsession with Castle has made me overlook my personal request to myself about sleeping early tonight as I have office tomorrow. I’m so glad my mom will be back by Tuesday. My bag is still packed. Though everyone keeps feeling sorry for me because I missed the wedding I feel weird because I can’t tell them “Its okay no big deal…I’m anyhow wasn’t in a mood to go”. If I said that they will think I’m a nutcase which everyone already thinks. I m pretty sure. Though I must admit I did feel little sad when I was talking to my mom on phone and I could hear everyone around, my cousins and all. For a second I did wish I was there.

14minutes more and my episode will be downloaded and then I can’t watch it and sleep peacefully. Funny thing I took me 4 days to download Flesh and Bone and now I find out the link was bad, its only half movie. fck. Had to find another link and download again. If it wasn’t a Meg Ryan movie I wouldn’t have waited for four days. But I can’t miss on a Meg movie. She is like the most awesome thing about Hollywood.

There are plenty of reasons why I don’t want to marry and what happened today was definitely among top 5 reasons.

Got to go. Goodnight world!

P.S Dear makers of Glee…Seriously?

Mom’s are super heroes…!!!!

This morning i woke up with the weirdest and funniest dream ever. Everytime im like my dreams cant go any more crazy, i end up getting a surprise. To a normal person what i dreamt would have felt like a good dream but since im the dark and twisty one, i woke up freaked out. Dont even ask me what it was.

My mom and brother have left for a family function and now its just my father, snowy and me left back at home. Im already missing them, though i never tell them this when they are around. Now im the lady of the house which means, i got to get up early fix my dad his breakfast, give snowy his breakfast, pack my breakfast and lunch and then come home to work on dinner. Mom’s are super heroes, no doubt.

I have decided against watching Greys and Glee for next few days, so i can focus on NaNo but i dont how can i manage that. i love these two shows.

Good news i have crossed 20,000 bad news its still too less.