Toxic relationship…

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Pretend…!!!!

They said,

Pretend

Life is Hunger Games

Pretend 

Things gone wrong have names

What you can’t fix 

Is President Snow

Go with the flow

Pretend to be

The Mocking Jay

Pick your bow, arrow or gun

Now run

Hide and fight

Pretend

Everything in your sight

Is a challenge

Pretend God

Is the Gamemaker

Believe that the odds 

are in your favor…

I whispered,

Even if i pretend 

Life is Hunger Games

And I’m Katniss Everdeen

I don’t remember

Raising my hand

To say ‘I volunteer’…

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I want to be Alice in Wonderland, only I don’t want to find my way back…

I should marry myself, for all the things I do to keep me happy and going. But, it’s so exhausting. The constant efforts to keep mind busy, happy and pleased are effin exhausting and leaves me into pieces by the end of the day, which makes them useless for I’m back to being the broken bones of nothing.

 

Don’t quite know, how to say how I feel…!!!!!

Grey’s Anatomy s11E22, JJ dies and I went all weepy…So why was I crying? Because a fictional patient died? Because I’m a sensitive woman who cries over sad or happy scenes? Because I wanted to cry for days and I just did? I don’t know.

For past few days, I have been wondering about things. I get riled up at home, I hate being at Gotham and I am terrified of every ‘tomorrow’. All that awesome smouldering and smuggy aura that I try to carry at work is a lie I would live for as long as I’m alive. Forever. Because let’s be honest, no way in this life  am I ever going to find dawn. frkn dawn is such an excuse to hold on to an invisible hope.

Day before yesterday, I woke up to a dream that was so beautiful. I was with a friend I miss and my little T-dog was there. It was like being in a world I left a long time ago. Sometimes I dream of Snowy like he never left and I wake up realizing how much I miss him. A friend of mine thinks, one of the reason I’m blue is because he left because everyone around me moves away to different places. True. Almost true. I’m the bluest of blue but not cause every friend I ever made moved away or because my dog died or because I’m an invisible suitcase with a story untold. I’m blue because I’m. That’s who I’m, that’s what I was meant to be a color, a word and a person who would spend rest of her day pretending to be awesome because like they say in Grey’s Anatomy

The carousel never stops moving

Maybe Petula Clark sang it for me, I would like to believe so…!!!!

Today was one of those days when you just want to escape everything and everyone. You don’t want to be at work but you don’t want to go home either. You don’t want to talk to people at work or people at home. But there is no other place to be because your life is work or home.

This is where someone from universe sings me…

When you’re alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go downtown

I cant though, not now because its just Tuesday and there are still few days left before weekend walks back into my arms and kisses me.