Dark Passenger or Dumb Passenger? DEXTER SPOILER ALERT

Spoiler Alert:

I’m highly disappointed with the finale of Dexter’s last season. Before i go on talking about what the hell happened let me answer a simple question “why i was avoiding blogging for past few days?”… Answer is simple – I don’t know.

Now that you know that i don’t know lets go back to Dexter. Its juts crazy how you have this very brilliant, out of ordinary and out of box concept of a serial killer who kills only bad guys, who is struggling to be normal around family and friends who adore him for he is nothing but a sweet geeky guy who loves bowling and boating. And then, you just screw it all in the end.

Past few days i have been busy doing nothing but watching back to back episodes of The Killing because im obsessed with it. Let’s be honest im scared now, what will be the finale of The Killing, Pretty Little Liars, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle and Vampire Diaries. Dexter broke my heart into a million pieces and in ways that i am scared about same happening by other shows. I thought  it’s just me, then my brother said the same thing and then i checked internet and saw everyone is saying the same thing. Why Dexter why.

Hanna- Debra

I totally hate the way they handled things with Debra Morgan. Bad way to kill her character, of course i didn’t wanted her to die but if they had to kill her …Dude! Throwing her in sea? What’s got into you Dexter? Dark Passenger or Dumb Passenger? I get the whole idea of not letting your sister suffer, but couldn’t you just take out the ventilator system and leave Deb there?

DEXTER (Season 8)

I mean What the F…I was totally disappointed with the ending of Prison Break but what Dexter did is super sad. Two most extraordinary shows ended in most sloppy ways. Totally crazy.

My headphones died on me…On a MONDAY…!!!! :(

So this is it. All my favourite shows are now on their seasonal break which means no Greys Anatomy, no Glee, no Revenge, no Castle and no Vampire Diaries for next few months. Am i sad? Maybe, a little. Am i okay? Very much..verry very much. Why? Because now i have got time to focus on reading and writing.

I have been spending so much time watching fictional characters im in love with that i have stopped reading and i dont remember when was the last time to i wrote my character. So this is my time to go back to my reading and writing. Though Dexter and PLL are coming back but i can manage one episode a week than whole week of Tv shows.

So how was Monday?

I dont know, i was lost after my headphones died and i had to go through the whole day without a song.

There is a girl next to me at work she was more worried than me, because she knows how glued im to my headphones…in fact it was her who made me notice last week how i went through a whole day without my headphones. That’s when i realised man it was a busy week.

Plus its 43-44 some degrees here and i think i should officially apologies to the weather God for saying i hate winters…for surely i can take winters.i love winters. i want winters. how i miss them. Bloody summer is killing my brain cells and its just the beginning.

I buy books,even though i hardly open them…!!!!

 

IMG01613-20130216-1453

 

IMG01615-20130216-1817

IMG01616-20130216-1821

That’s what i did today. I drove to city all alone in the rain because i wanted to enjoy the weather. I also worked on Jane Doe a little before i went for my drive.

I bought me two books, Silent House and The Perks of Being a Wildflower. Because that’s how i tell myself dont worry. Drive in rain and book shopping is probably best way to enjoy a Saturday. Truth is everything i do is solely based on making me walk a little more. the stories, the music, the shopping and the haircut which is making me pretty much happy.

I think some of my favourite shows are coming to their end, Grey’s Anatomy, Vampire Diaries and PLL. Man! that will make me sad. Last night i saw pilot epi of Homeland. pretty impressed.

Got to go now, will spend some time on Jane Doe and then i might read or watch an episode or a movie.

Some nights i close my eyes and imagine myself living in a world where i am no longer bounded by pretenses. I try to imagine myself in a happier mode, where i meet someone and fall in love. These fictional characters and their stories take me to such world, make me live my wishes.

Goodnight World!

 

 

 

 

 

Date night with Fiction…!!!!

I watched Vampire Diaries and then 2-3 episodes of Gossip Girl, now I’m on break checking my blog before I go back to my episode marathon. I have Grey’s anatomy, Glee, Revenge, PLL waiting for me. What crazy? No no no, I assure you this isnt crazy. This is just a means of stopping crazy to get to me.

Anyhow, before I go back to my date with fiction I thought I will tell you how I survived the day. Well, simple some music, some more music and more. Every time I found myself slipping into blues, I did the self pep talk. Telling myself I was doing well, the smile was perfect and its just few hours to go. Truth is at one point when the clock said just 2 hours more; I actually found myself happy which is nice because I kind of don’t remember what happy spells like.

Singers like Ke$ha don’t give my kind of songs, but they do give music that gets you through a Friday. So I successfully survived the day and now I’m back in my room broken and hurt. That’s why so many episodes, because I want to live in a world that doesn’t hurt. I want to get lost in stories, characters, fiction and a different world.

I think it’s the whole mood thing, I’m having too much of doughnut, chocolate, Nutella and anything that is sweet. Not good. Not good. God! I need to quite chocolate and start working out again. Monday I will do just the same, but till then I have a recovery phase to go through.

So I’m going to work on my stories and listen to as much music as possible, stay lazy and dirty.

To Me,

It’s okay to fall. Even when you are down and blue, you smell of awesomeness. It’s okay to hurt. It might not get better but you are a good person.

Myself

See, this is what I do. I talk to myself and try to pick myself from the ground, but sometimes its take time. I am going to crash and burn every thinking cell in my brain with all night episode so I go to sleep with no, whatsoever, recollection of last two days. I can’t afford to think that makes me sad.

Before I go there is a post I want to share you guys:

http://renatafbarcelos.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/indiesforward-what-if-you-couldnt-promote-your-own-book/

I hope, wish, someday i would get to feel the rush one gets by getting his/her own book published.

Goodnight World!

Being dark and twisted is an art too…!!!!

How can I blog without talking about Glee’s comeback episode, not possible for me. I’m a Gleek and I love the show, because it makes me accept myself and makes feel good about myself. Glee speaks to me in a different language.

So how was the first episode of season 4? Awesome. Every performance was awesome, every song wa rocking and I loved the entry of Kate Hudson. Cassandra the teacher is awesome. Kate Hudson just rocked the show with her mashup performance. I mean she nailed it. I’m really impressed with the new Glee club girl Marley Rose. Her performance of Chasing Pavements by Adele was so cool and I can’t wait to see more of her performances. And who is the new hunk Brody? Is he the new Finn? Darren Criss as Blaine was amazing again. And Glee’s Call Me Maybe was so classy.

Though I wonder if Santana, Mercedes and Quinn will be back and what about Finn? But I guess I will have to wait for more episodes. Oh am so happy Glee is back. Those 40 some minutes spent while watching Glee, I find myself as part of world where I feel accepted and loved. Crazy? Well call me crazy, being dark and twisted is an art too.

And I also finished (finally) all the seasons of Vampire Diaries. Dammit! Elena.

So funny thing happened…yes I got my haircut that’s not the thing am talking about. Well, I was sitting with my friend and she started joking about something and I was taking the lead and in the moment the whole conversation ended up entering my weak corner, the road no one has traveled not many at least. So now I’m talking about one thing that makes me who I’m. During the conversation my friend said something she didn’t mean, because we were joking but it hit me and hit me right where it hurts. This happens sometimes you just see everything about you being thrown high up in the air and kicked to ground, because only you know it is hurting you.

Never mind. Well I have a long day tomorrow because my friend and I have a movie marathon planned. Two back to back movies in same cinema. First we are going Richard Gere’s Arbitrage and then one hour later another movie in same theater. It is going to be crazy but so much fun.

I miss my phone’s messengers and the internet. I am so mad at my internet company almost on verge of changing the company. Maybe I will.

There are things I’m not doing, things seeking my attention. I need to swim inside my wardrobe and clear it, I need to work on my assignments and get my diploma of a wasted correspondence course (why Little why?), I have to give rest to my body with some good hour s of sleep and start workout and finally I need to give time to Dominique (I thought I had a deadline). I think I will work on it tonight, I hope I do.

Beep Beep Beep…Awesomeness level dropping…Beep Beep!!!

Agony is a strong feeling, unless you are a member of club blue it is hard to actually see the word as something more than a word. It takes every muscle in the body to cover up an agonized faced when trying to pretend everything is okay.

Sometimes I don’t want anyone to see me, because it hurts to keep up a straight smiling face all the time and I can’t afford to be me. I have no answers; have no reasons, no stories to tell…. there was this line in Vampire Diaries “When someone asks how are you? They really don’t want an answer”. How true is that? I don’t know but I guess it is true to some extent. Not many people like to be friends with those who are friends wish agony. I never know why live on this side of the road, the one with no one. As I sit and watch others on the other side smiling, happy and peaceful I ask myself or rather beg myself to just get up and cross the road and never look back. How easy is that? To say pretty easy but to not be me is impossible.

Today I’m agonized by the thought that one day I will be broken beyond repair and there will be no one to call. It’s not that I don’t have friends or family, it’s that I have pain and it’s just inside me.  I’m agonized with the fact that one fine day everyone will say “told you so”.

Truth is, agony is like a condition that makes it hard to feel normal, the whole emotions come rushing at anytime anywhere and there is no immediate and effective relief potion or remedy. I don’t know why I’m sad right now, maybe I know. I was blue and listening to sad songs when my friend called. She was sad and was sharing all the details about her day. I listened to her and then tried to talk to her and tried to make her see the better side. At that point I wondered she doesn’t even know what’s going in my mind. Why can’t I fix myself like I fix her? It is so easy to talk to her, tell her what went wrong, who was wrong, how can she mend things gone wrong etc etc. She always finds it helpful, my advice. How do I do it? It’s like chess. Being the third person, watching it from another angle makes everything so easy to deal with, but when you are the one in the game or situation there is just anxiety, stress and agony.

Someday, maybe someday, I will feel something that has no touch of agony. I wish to live a moment when I can’t remember what it feels to not feel like there is a dagger inside me. I wish to not be the person who has to close her eyes when a sudden rush of stubborn tears threatens to destroy the fake appearance in a crowded room.

Till then i shall keep quoting “You are a lone reed, standing tall, waving boldly” from You’ve Got Mail…!!!!