Denial is the wine, sip it darling!!

I think I’m the way I’m for a reason and being the anomaly is not a curse but my what makes me special.

Maybe, inner content & my soul are parallel lines but what kind of person would I be if I didn’t try to make them meet. I mean sanity is dull and lethal. Denial sometime saves life. Imagine if I accepted end of tunnel is a wall, such fatality would occur inside and out.

Let me be the odd one & the one in denial, let me breathe some and some more.

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high on sleep deprivation

i want to write something but i don’t know what. Its 4 am and my eyes are shutting down. i cant think but an hour ago i was all weepy like badly weepy and now i have nothing to say. weird, cause just few minutes ago i wanted to talk to someone anyone, i wanted to speak and now i got nothing to say.

i want a hug right now. big hug. i want my dog too. i want to sleep for 12 hours straight and wake up to a world that is accepting and not judgmental.

Maybe i should just go sleep. i cant make sense of my own words. man im sleepy.

goodnight world!

Why is there a Thursday & Friday between Wednesday & Saturday?

Im going through a weird phase, my mind is full of scattered thoughts and the emotions inside me are fix of everything from fear, happiness, sadness, anger to confusion.

I need sleep. That and a haircut, but sleep is like way too important.

You know i dont know about grown ups but kids they love me. All of them, at least the ones i know. Well, isn’t that awesome.

Goodnight World!

 

Inspecter, i think i’ve killed my thinking cells…i didn’t mean to!!!

Do you ever worry for your parents, like they are so fragile and they aren’t invincible? Past one week made me kind of realize how i’ve grown up being taken care by my parents and ended up thinking they are made of titanium, but they are just as much breakable as me.

I dont know how i managed to survive till Friday, but i have made it and here im sitting alone in my room breathing in the relief of a weekend. I am exhausted physically and mentally, so badly. I just need to stay in bed for a day and not do anything, don’t even want to get up to make myself a cup of coffee but then i would die of caffeine deprivation. So i wont perform that stunt. Coffee is must for me, its my dope just like music.

Have you ever felt the need to cry even though you aren’t feeling like crying but you need to? Im heavy inside, so heavy that i cant think. It’s all so clouded, numb and cluttered inside. Thoughts inside my head are pushing the each other and suffocating one another. I need to clear the damn head, i need to feel and cry and let it go. Weird? well weird for one reason because i dont feel like crying. Voices are laughing at me, i know that. Damn!

I think emotionally it has been an overwhelming week.

I have to go. Happy Weekend to all.

Goodnight World!

 

 

 

 

Little you are not the only crazy person in this world….!!!!

Okay! I had no idea that some Hong Kong based businessman has put huge, crazy huge, amount of money on offer for any guy who would marry his gay daughter. He basically would make a man rich if he ends up turning his gay daughter straight. Hmm, just when i thought that nothing else can surprise me. Honestly, this news kind of makes me angry. Why cant Mr. money accept his daughter the way she is and love her for what she is and give all that money to people who actually need it. Man! that is twisted.

Anyhow, today was Republic day and i didn’t do much except being a host to guests at my place. Im no longer a fan of republic day or independence day but i wish i could have free time today. I don’t do i love my country and its the best. I don’t anymore. I dont know if that’s weird.

My head hurts, its so cold and every bone in my body is begging me to sleep.  Im so tired and exhausted that i cant feel any emotion right now. Bed is all i can think of. Coffee, donut, book and bed. Just what i need. I wish i could take a day off tomorrow but i cant.

I got to go. Still, cant believe Mr. Hong Kong. I better sleep.

Goodnight world!

 

Have you seen my awesomeness? Can’t find it…

So i had a bad Sunday with some really weird kind of Nervous breakdown or whatever it was. Was bad, really bad and i cant even tell you what all went inside my head. But im all okay now. Okay but pissed because yesterday some moron banged his scooter right in my car. Some really crazy girls were trying to cross the road without looking at the traffic, so i had to press BRAKE for them but the scooter guy doesn’t get to do the same and BANG.

My poor car has had some really bad time in past 2 years, poor car i must say.

Today i really missed my diaries, so much that at one point i almost made my up mind about buying a brand new diary and pen to start writing. But then i realised i shouldn’t. A part of me is tempting me to go back to writing diaries but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to go back to old habits.

Good thing i have been sleeping early and playing every day for past 2-3 days. But whoever said that a good 8 hours sleep and exercise is good for depression didn’t knew me or was never depressed. You know i always believed that my blues were the reason i wrote stories but i guess i was wrong because i cant write anymore. Weird i cant even read.

and 124...phew...i still feel bad...

and 124…phew…i still feel bad…

Lately, everyone is discussing the politics around because of the whole election season but i kind of have no opinion. Its like i dont care about anything.

I think i have lost my mojo. I cant feel my awesomeness or anything even remotely close to it plus i dont even feel like dancing on my bed with loud music. Man! that’s the worst.

Im in love with a different music person, everyday…!!!

Today i wanted to do a post on a singer i can’t stop listening. But maybe some other day, because i don’t know when, and how, i wasted all my time. Why it is that during the day time at Gotham is long and never ending, while at night it moves like a Jet Plane.

I’m a night creature by habit, i live when everyone is asleep which is kind of creepy and weird but I’m fine with those adjectives. Right now i feel cold and kind of tired.

Funny thing is when i was thinking of telling you about my favourite singer i realised it’s difficult to choose one. I have more than one favourite music person. It’s like every day i cheat on each one of them by playing another’s music on loop. One day it’s Avril, another day it’s Brandi or Adele or some days it’s a band and some days i only listen to cover singers.

Who is your favourite singer?  Can you take one name?

Like today whole day i was working, living and breathing on Avril’s new album playing in my mp3 player but now i am stuck on Brandi’s music, because i think she is awesome. See, what i mean? Anyhow, i think i better sleep.

I wanted to read, i wanted to write and i wanted to watch some episode but i did nothing because time slipped by and now it’s almost 1 AM.

I miss Snowy. My room is such a lonely place now without him. He was the best roommate ever. Goodnight world!