Sometimes a writer just needs one song, one right song…!!!!

It was just the kind of the day I needed, productive in terms of writing and super relaxing. It’s funny how my mind can make me do weird things. What is that? Well whole week I mentally worked on my new story, had even written one chapter and was dying to work more on it during weekend. And then on Friday I’m listening to a song by Agnes Obel, when I end up playing a whole new story inside my head.

I have a whole new story, new script and characters ready to come out on paper. So here I’m writing on the new untitled story instead of the one I was suppose to work on. But it’s okay because this one won’t let me think of anything else. It’s all crazy but good. I’m writing since morning and it is calming me down, making me all better and happy. The kind of week I had, I needed something good and writing this story is kind of fixing me.

Though I wish I would just go out for a while, I do but, I mean to the city. I need a haircut, I’m avoiding it. I have few errands in city, I’m avoiding them. I’m like a vampire who won’t leave the house because I don’t have my sunlight ring.

Anyhow, another good thing about the day is the fact that I have found my next publication house. Well fingers crossed, again. I will keep doing this again and again till I end up succeeding. And I will; I would like to believe for I have no options. Like Meg Ryan’s character Karen Emma Walden says “No Surrender”. I am not giving up, not yet. I don’t know if you have seen this movie people, but if not then make Courage Under Fire your next movie.

Its late, I should go now. O I can’t believe Saturday is over. You know what I want for my birthday next month? Of course, an acceptance letter. How cool would that be?

Goodnight World!

Re-born with awesomeness and power to pretend till eternity…!!!!

My mom asked me what I want for my birthday and I said nothing, while they think I’m being nice and shy I on the other hand mean it. I do not wish for anything, no gifts, nothing. I do not even wish to treat my birthday like any special day. If it was up to me I would rather sleep till afternoon, get up after 1pm, stay in my jammies all day and watch some episodes, write Dominique and go out to buy me a cup of ice-cream, only to come back into my room with no “Happy Birthday” wishes from anyone.

But that just me and of course it’s not easy to escape. Although I was once a girl who didn’t like this attitude of people who said “its just a birthday, I do not wish to make a big deal out of it”. It used to make me mad because I always thought people lie when they say it’s just a birthday. I guess I was wrong.

So what do I want for my birthday? Maybe I do want something only it’s not mine to ask for. I will never ask for things I want, I will never seek for things I need.

Being me is not bad, but it just takes all that you can give because pretending to be happy is one thing and pretending to be like everyone is another. I do both. How? Didn’t I tell you before I’m AWESOME? I’m wrong but I’m awesome.

Most of the time when I’m low, which doesn’t happen slowly blues hit me like a punch out of nowhere, it just sweeps the floor beneath me. No matter how awesome you are, you are never ready for that one moment when it hits you right there on the face. Reality is a mean little thing, but again if you are as awesome as me, you get up again and show a finger to it. What else can you do? Pretend and lie and be awesome. It’s all wrong but it’s all that you have got. It’s like wearing the invisibility clock from Harry Potter, people don’t get to see or know you, and they think they do only they don’t. No I don’t practise smiling in mirror; I’m just awesome without any practise.

“When reality killed me with truth, I was reborn with awesomeness and power to pretend till eternity.”

Sometimes I wish I was born with a talent for music. I could just write and sing songs and be little more awesome. But all I have is talent to be love my loved ones and that’s all I do, while being a constant liar and pretender. I’m wrong all the time, most of the time, but I wish I had ways to undo. But then funny thing is I would not undo a bit of anything, except maybe I would change my hairstyle if I get to go back again in past or probably eat little more healthy. But other than that, I ain’t changing a second of it even if everything I ever did was wrong.

I have a major love-hate relationship with myself, while I love myself a lot and spend a lot of my time pampering myself I also hate my actions, things I say or do to hurt people.

Truth is you can’t be wrong and awesome, like I said there is no win-win. But you can pretend to be wrong and awesome, only I hope you don’t ever have to because it takes super power people.