It’s 2:20 am Monday and I’m not sleepy, which is so not good…!!!!

I wanted to count stars but then I decided to go with few of my favorite things/people…

My person

My baby best friend (let’s call him Spiderman shall we)

The stories in my head

Characters I read about

My high school best friend

Agnes Obel

TV shows & fictional Characters

All the Meg Ryan and Winona Ryder movies

Jodie Foster

My Laptop and MS Word

My headphones and every song in my players

My All Stars

The world I zone out to

My new puppy who I hope would love me as much as Snowy did

Coffee

My car

Grey’s Anatomy

Dreams

Book shops

Trains

Virginia Woolf Quotes

Mississippi Mud Ice cream

Brandi Carlile

Ellen De Generes

Pickles

Indian food

Eiffel Tower

Walking

Crying

Singing in my car

You’ve Got Mail

Bouquet of newly sharpened pencils

My Tattoo

My book collection

ME…….

P.S Agnes Obel’s music is one of the many things keeping me afloat…

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i love 80s and 90s…and Winona Ryder!!!!

I have been planning to watch a Jodie Foster movie but ended up watching Winona Ryder’s Boys. God, she is amazing. I can never get bored of watching Jodie Foster, Winona Ryder and Meg Ryan…these are the finest set of actors. 80s and 90s truly had some of the best actors and classic movies.

Jodie Foster movie marathon day…!!!

I did a Jodie Foster movie marathon today, manged two movies couldn’t watch the third one but maybe tomorrow. Yes, i know i’m in love with Meg Ryan and Winona Ryder but Jodie Foster is awesome. She is like too good. I watched two more movies today, they were heavy and serious stuff but she was excellent. “The Brave One” and “The Accused” both were good, dark but damn good.

Have a busy day tomorrow, hope my health supports me. Its getting difficult to stay active all day now.

 

Heat is making me Hulk…!!!!

Dear Summer,

Im so, so, sorry i asked you to leave.

Little

There was a time i used to love writing letters. It was the time when Google and Laptops were kind of technology aliens all ready to take over the world of pen and paper. Seems like a life time ago. I used to love buying good looking diaries and notebooks and notepads, classy pens and pencils. Stationary was my best friend back then. I still have so many diaries in my wardrobe and i wonder what to do with them.

I used to write sorry, thank you and i love you letters to friends who were special to me. I think telling a person how special he or she is on a piece of paper is closest thing to telling it in person. emails, whatsapp, tweets, fb posts are emotion killer. Truth is, I find writing down a small one line thank you on a paper more appealing and personal than pinging someone offline saying “Thank you for being a part of my life and for letting me have you as a friend.”

Anyhow. With the kind of week i have been having i desperately need a Meg Ryan or Winona Ryder movie marathon. Nothing would make me more happy.

 

Little loves Jodie Foster…!!!!

Last night I saw Jodie Foster’s Little Man Tate. Its a beautiful movie. Just what I expected from Jodie Foster for she is a brilliant brilliant brilliant, actor and a director.

Its a touching movie that makes you smile and cry and feel the characters, while being happy to have stumbled upon it. The complexity of a gifted six year old kid’s mind who feels different because he is too smart for his age, the love of a single young mother who may not be the smartest thing in the world but who knows that she loves her son and the way they are connected despite being so opposite.

Such a beautiful work by her and the kid who plays Fred Tate. You rarely get to see such good movies now. Last weekend I saw Winona Ryder’s “When love is not enough-the Lois Wilson story” and she was brilliant too.

Is always refreshing to see a well made movie with a concept so touching. But sometimes even some of the best actors tend to give you a movie not so nice. Today I went to theatre to watch Prisoners and it was a sad scene. Mark wahlberg directed movie with Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal as the big names in the cast, yet I didnt get that feeling that I want to watch it one more time. Here is the thing if a movie makes you want to watch it one more time, its a movie well made. Like Little Man Tate.

Prisoner is made on a simple concept of a young girl getting kidnapped, worried father doing everything to find her and cops looking for who did it. I once saw a movie (coincidently Mark Wahlberg was the actor) based on same theme and it was titled Lovely Bones, but this one was handled so beautifully that it made me feel the pain of a parent and anger for the actor who played the bad guy. Prisoner was more confusing that emotional.

So its monday now and I wish I could get one more day off but thats not going to happen.

I have decided to cut down on my tv shows now, its difficult but am going to try. I have been ignoring reading and it makes me guilty.

Goodnight World!
Happy and safe Monday to you and me…

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hAPPY & bLUE…sO WHAT’s New?

So i spent half of my day thinking about the episodes, seasons and movies that i could choose from for Friday night…Elementary? Suits? The Lying Game? Big Bang Theory? The Killing? Winona Ryder movie? Jodie Foster movie?…And i end up doing a marathon of S3 PLL…!!!!

Have you ever envied someone else’s sadness? I have. Sometimes when I hear a friend talk about something that makes him/her sad, I silently wonder if I could have their sadness and let go of mine. Crazy? I know. Pain is pain, small or big. Mine is comparatively the smallest one in the whole world but the fact that it lives inside me all the time makes it feel big so big that I don’t know what to do.

Though I’m in a happy mood right now, I don’t know why I’m talking blue. Telling yourself ‘you are a good person’ again and again is a lonely and sad thing. Sometimes when I do something good, even a tiniest good deed, I end up thinking about it again and again wondering if people notice. Why? I want to assure myself I’m a good person, I’m not a bad soul and I deserve to smile too.

imageEs

2-3 days back a friend said something about some TV show which hit me hard. It was a harmless conversation about TV shows and all and then the friend said something, totally unrelated to me or us but the comment fell on my pain. It happens when you hide things  people end up walking over your pain because they don’t know it is hurting.

I have a busy weekend but I hope I get to write few page of my story. Today I was thinking about Dominique a lot and maybe I would be working on it because I miss it. Actually I miss being honest and myself, I pretend all day all night but writing makes me honest. Dominique is the most honest work of mine because it has a story I would like to share but wouldn’t dare to.

So now it’s too late to watch the Winona Ryder movie that I downloaded because a part of me wanted to watch her movie. I thought about watching “Reality Bites” or “Little Women” again but then I found a new movie. I can do a Winona and Meg Ryan marathon anytime.

Its 3:30 AM and I don’t want to fall asleep, I want to stay awake, I don’t know why. I just want to sit and talk, since I can’t talk to anyone I’m babbling here. I finally finished my Mary Higgins Clark thriller and it took me ages. I used be such a quick reader but it was like a long time ago.

It’s going to be a busy weekend and I’m hoping to take out time for a movie because I need a large screen fiction therapy. I think I can manage one episode before I actually turn off the lights, pilot episode of ‘The Killing’ maybe.

Goodnight world!

Once upon a time in Gotham…!!!!

Some days I wake up so bitter that all I want is my headphones and my cup of coffee, with no one coming over to my cubicle to talk to me but it’s not how life goes.

I don’t think I can take part in NaNoWriMo this year, because I might have a busy month with the festival season and the fact that we might have few relatives coming over. Plus, I don’t have a story. I have but not like last year. Maybe if I can spend some time on the different concepts on my mind, but then I don’t know.

Today a funny thing happened; I was on a Skype call with a Polish translator with my Project Manger. He was the one on call and I was sitting next to him because it was a task I was overseeing. So while he was on the phone, I sat there next to him for whole 2 hours just thinking and looking around and day dreaming.

Me: If I could meet a celebrity

Myself: Meg Ryan of course

Me: That would be so awesome

Myself: So Frekin Awesome

Myself: Who else?

Me: Neil Patrick

Myself: Patrick Dempsey

Me: Stana Katic

Myself: Ian somerhalder

Me: Ian, anytime, Ian

Me: Winona Ryder maybe

Myself: That would be cool too

Me: So cool

Myself: Pretty Cool

Me: I know right?

Myself: Yeah

Voices: Hey crazy head look around

Me & Myself: Seriously?

Voices: What?

Me & Myself: Buzz Kill

Truth is I was so bored and sleepy that I was wondering how much fun it would be if I could just meet one of the many people I admire. I have a list of people I would like to meet, most of them are singers and few of them are movie stars and a handful of them come of TV shows. What’s wrong in making a list? Nothing. Plus this comes way too low in the list of crazy things done by me.

nph

I’m just eagerly waiting for Grey’s Anatomy, Glee and Castle to come back now that Pretty Little Liars is on summer break.

I will go and try to finish my book; you guys enjoy a song from another awesome person I would love to meet.

Liebster Blog Award….!!!!!

Since all my guests have left and the wedding is over, I’m back to my world of peace, stories, fiction, sweet darkness and blogging. Its funny how comforting and sweet darkness and aloofness feels when I’m choking on pretenses among people who love me but don’t really know me.

Before I took the break I was awarded Liebster Blog Award nomination by lovely and super strong Jack Joseph’s Mom. I want to thank her for considering me worthy of the nomination and for being so kind. Jack’s Mom taught me loving what you lost is okay no matter if you are the only one grieving, no matter how much time it has been.

So thank you for the nomination my friend.

Rules are simple, say 11 things about yourself, answer 11 questions that have been asked by the person who nominated you and award the nomination to 11 people while creating 11 new questions for the nominees.

Okay here are the 11 things about me:

1-      I have always been tomboyish and now that I look back I don’t think I ever thought I would own green, purple, white and electric blue pants. I wore nothing but blue denim and thought anything else was weird.

2-      I can’t give up on coffee and junk food even though I was once hospitalized because of these things

3-      I believe I have a split personality or something because I’m always a different person when I’m with people and a different person when I’m alone.

4-      I lie a lot to people I love because it’s easy to lie than explain why I’m being difficult sometimes

5-      I can’t stop having dreams where my Snowy comes back to me, had the first one the very next night of his demise

6-      I think I will get a Tattoo soon, hopefully very soon

7-      I want to win NanoWriMo for once

8-      I want to meet MegRyan just once or Winona Ryder

9-      I hated the very first cup of coffee of my life, hated it big time

10-   I once wrote a play, which was chosen for the annual day event of our school. I also played a role in my own play. That was the first biggest achievement of my life where I felt proud of me, because I have always believed I’m the black sheep of the family.

11-   I wish to be born as a singer in my next birth

 

Now the questions asked to me by Jack Joseph’s Mom

  1. What gets you up in the morning?

Earlier it used to my love my dog but now it’s my Alarm and my mom. If it was up to me I wouldn’t get up before 12 because I don’t like my work anymore.

  1. If you could go anywhere, anywhere, where would you go?

Ireland for many reasons and one of them being the movies I have seen

  1. If you saw a vehicle accident – would you stop?  Why or why not?

I have tried to stop once when I saw one but by the time I came to halt I was far and had so much of traffic behind me. So I pulled aside and tried to see if the guy was okay and when I saw he was and people were helping him, I drove away because it was way too difficult for me to go back with the traffic and it being the one way lane.

  1. What is your most played song on your iPod (or whatever you listen to music on)?

I have blackberry phone my only access to music and I don’t know what the most played song is. You got me thinking, because I listen to songs all day while I’m working, even when I’m home and trying to work out, even now when I’m blogging and sometimes I listen to it while trying to sleep. All day I’m on my phone but I don’t know which song I listen to the most. Maybe For You by Angus and Julia. I think.

  1. What is your favorite way to exercise?

Rope Skipping

  1. If you could choose to be a certain age forever, what would it be and why?

I am scared of growing old but I don’t know which age I want to stop aging at.

  1. What would be your first purchase if you won the lottery?

If I win a lot of it like crazy lot of it I would buy a car for my brother. He is crazy and irritating and we fight a lot but I would still buy him a nice sexy car, because I know it would make him ultra happy. If I win not that much, then I would probably buy a bigger place for my parents. I know they don’t like this small apartment that much.

If only I was rich enough to buy them a bigger place.

  1. What celebrity do you get mistaken for?

No one but I would love to imagine myself as MegRyan or Avril Lavigne.

  1. What is the hardest thing you ever had to do?

Say goodbye to my Snowy. He died on 1st of March right in front of me in my bed. He was ill, in pain and died and there was nothing I could do. When I touched him, he had stopped breathing and he felt cold like he was no longer there. I can’t get over that day. I miss him so badly and it kills me when I enter home after a long day because he is no longer there to hug me, welcome me and tell me I was missed.

  1. What would be your most perfect meal?  Not just breakfast, lunch or dinner… but what would be on the plate/table.

If I have to name an Indian dish I would say Kadi Chawal with pickle and if I have to name universal one then its Pasta anyday…Pasta with mushroom would be great.

  1. What is your most favorite memory?

So many of them. My interview day has to be the winner for now. My Team Lead welcomed me inside the interview room with a smile and I realized there is nothing to be afraid of. Since then she has not only become my mentor my best friend but my sister too. And this job made me grow up as a person, learn things, become independent and see pride in my parent’s eyes even though it’s a small job. That day is memorable for it became the door to many amazing days.

Now people I want to nominate:

http://transcendingbordersblog.wordpress.com/

http://rumpydog.com/

http://acflory.wordpress.com/

http://talesoftwistedfibers.wordpress.com/

http://starsrainsunmoon.com/

http://dinktography.wordpress.com/

http://howanxious.wordpress.com/

http://depressedpessimist.wordpress.com/

http://ilikephotoblog.wordpress.com/

http://dreamingabouteveryday.wordpress.com/

http://cricketmuse.wordpress.com/

My 11 questions:

Friends or The Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother? What’s your pick?

Do you judge people based on their country or religion?

Are you a morning person or night owl?

What was the craziest profession you had on your mind as a kid?

Beatles or Beiber? What you prefer?

Do you read news everyday?

What’s your favourite crazy fun thing to do when by yourself?

Do you enjoy going out without umbrella in rain?

If left alone in a big shopping mall with lots of money, what would you buy clothes or gadgets? You cant have both.

Have you ever made a mix tape?

What’s your favourite book?

 

 

 

“Have you ever confused a dream with life?”

Sometimes I wonder what would have I done if there was no YouTube…I mean all the songs how would have I survived without them. People, religion and money can’t save me only music can and of course fiction. Sometimes music helps me in feeling the emotions I can’t feel and sometimes it helps me in turning them off.

Today I cooked veg rice pulao which looked good, aroma was awesome only issue it needed little more salt. Rest was perfect so may be 3 out of 5 by me. I wish my mom was here to taste it. I clicked the picture and sent it to my brother’s phone so he could show it to her. Yes I’m the girl who seeks approval even though I don’t listen to people. But I secretly seek approval of two people in my life.

For past three days all I have done is watch Castle and Gossip Girl, stayed in my room and argued with my inner self on not writing or reading. Though i did take a break from my aloofness today and went out with a friend for pancakes and coffee. I love blueberry pancakes with cream. In fact I want it right now but it’s too late.

My eyes are closing now, as I watch Girl, Interrupted. I think I should sleep, I think Winona Ryder is awesome, I think I have seen another movie that has a plot like Girl Interrupted, I think I can watch this movie hundred times again, I think I am going to sleep now…to be honest I can’t think anymore. The sleep derivation I have given to myself for no reason whatsoever has destroyed my ability to think.

Goodnight world!

Little’s little mind wont work…!!!!

Okay! its 3 am and i awake trying to come up with a prologue or a story. For past few hours all i have done is write and delete, write and delete.

Have had my mid-night snacking, heard number of songs, came up with so many plots but i’m yet to find something i can put my finger on and say “Alas! i found you”. I am now tired of thinking and not getting any idea, so i have started watching Little Women. O how i love this movie and Winona Ryder. I sort of have a lady crush on her. She plays a character that resembles a modern a woman and she wishes to become a writer. I wish too. in the movie, Winona’s character writes every night and one fine day her story gets rejected and she starts again and sends with no hope. well her story gets published, this and many other things happen.

I don’t know why i end up watching Winona or Meg Ryan movie when i’m stressed. Anyhow, the question is why my mind wont? why cant i come up with a story?

Am i suffering from writer’s block?

Is it because i have Dominique on my mind all the time?

Am i scared of failing in one thing i like? Like chess?

Okay! i dont know. Sometimes im too complicated for my own mind. Truth be told, my own issues are reasons behind my inability to write. Somehow everything i come up with surrounds me which is why i end up deleting the page.

Got to go now, i need to lie  down with my eyes closed and think. Think think think.

Goodnight world!