Inspecter, i think i’ve killed my thinking cells…i didn’t mean to!!!

Do you ever worry for your parents, like they are so fragile and they aren’t invincible? Past one week made me kind of realize how i’ve grown up being taken care by my parents and ended up thinking they are made of titanium, but they are just as much breakable as me.

I dont know how i managed to survive till Friday, but i have made it and here im sitting alone in my room breathing in the relief of a weekend. I am exhausted physically and mentally, so badly. I just need to stay in bed for a day and not do anything, don’t even want to get up to make myself a cup of coffee but then i would die of caffeine deprivation. So i wont perform that stunt. Coffee is must for me, its my dope just like music.

Have you ever felt the need to cry even though you aren’t feeling like crying but you need to? Im heavy inside, so heavy that i cant think. It’s all so clouded, numb and cluttered inside. Thoughts inside my head are pushing the each other and suffocating one another. I need to clear the damn head, i need to feel and cry and let it go. Weird? well weird for one reason because i dont feel like crying. Voices are laughing at me, i know that. Damn!

I think emotionally it has been an overwhelming week.

I have to go. Happy Weekend to all.

Goodnight World!

 

 

 

 

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Can anyone die of boredom?

Im in pain and the reason, for the first time, is not my story but life in general.

I think its the fact that am bored. So bored of my work, when I ask myself what is it that do? I almost expect someone to say what Frank said to Kathleen Kelly. But then that is what happens in movies, in reality am not a lone reed. Am just a confused loner who is scared to walk out of her comfort zone.

I have been thinking about my job and I wish I could gather the guts to march into unknown.

Today im missing 3 friends all at same time, because I miss them. Yes, at same time.

Another reason am low is lack of good sleep that I make sure i never get. Why the hell cant I just sleep when I know have work tomorrow? Where is weekend? Man I feel drained out and exhausted.

I worry about people I love and today Im worried for a person who is very close to my heart. I wish i wasnt living in another city, so I could just visit and feel better. You know how when you are young and crazy in college and you think life would be the same forever. The good times, long nights, friends and carefree living, nothing will change. It does and today I feel like one of those old people who like to talk about their younger days with the words “when I was young”.

Right now am low on positivity and high on mixed emotions. Its raining outside and im hardly noticing because I dont care, im busy being worried, sad and confused.

You cant be your own friend, your own doctor, your own superhero…and when you try to, its nothing but a sad and sour reality that you are a lost cause.

I wish to take a day off tomorrow and stay home all day and indulge in self-pity, but I cant I will have to get up, drive down to work and smile at people when all I want to do is cry like a teenager who likes to believe that everything bad in the world happens to her, just her.

Goodnight world!

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