Little needs Defibrillation…

I’m so glad I’m out of the zombie zone I was in, yesterday. Has happened before too and it always leaves me wondering how powerful a mind is, if it decides to shut down there is nothing you can do about it.

Lately, Gotham is going super busy which leaves me all exhausted by the end of the day which kind of is keeping me from blogging and from my latest resolution. I have decided to work on Jane Doe again, sort of re-work. I want to do changes, major ones to send it again and hopefully this time it would be more presentable.

I can’t work on Dominique, Crossroads, New York and the other untitled story I have in my laptop knowing I failed with Jane Doe. Knowing that I could still try to work on it, fix it, re-brush it and send it again. I keep thinking about how writing was my one true love; something I used to love doing no matter how crazy things have had been but now its one thing I can’t do. I don’t know if its the rejection of Jane Doe or the fact that my stories are not what people would like to read.

I only write about scarred souls, people with tragedy and revenge and death is often there. I like to write tragedy and I know I’m not a good writer, heck I’m not even a story teller. But I like to write. So, here I’m doing one thing that I like, write. I have decided to get back to Jane Doe, cause I want to believe trying one more time is what I need.

I might never get any of my work published but I don’t want to say I never tried. I don’t have much regrets in life, trust me. I mean my life is one hell of a drama but I have never done anything to regret except one or two stupid things. Not writing because I won’t make it would be a regret I don’t want in my resume of life.

Plus, this is one thing I need to do to stay sane, to stay alive…So i will write…

Scarred souls are the steering wheel of fictional dramas

I have a plan for tomorrow…!!!!

Voices: Where do you see yourself five years from now?

Me: In my room, why what’s wrong?

Voices: (Rolling Eyes) Everything

A conversation I had with myself today and I realised I see nothing for me; I’m just waiting and watching for what’s coming. I might be angry with the world for not being the place for me; I’m highly disappointed at myself for fiddling with a White Flag. Yes, that’s what I’m doing right now. I’m sitting with a White Flag on my lap and waiting for my crutches of hopes to break and fall. I may be doomed and I may be struggling with my thoughts about hopes and miracles and silver lining, but I’m not letting my despair take me down so fast.

I don’t know what kind of day it would be tomorrow, but I do know one thing and I know it very well. I’m sending Jane Doe to a publishing house, something I have been ignoring for long now. Rejection is the worst thing that could happen and not sending is REJECTION in itself.

I don’t know what tomorrow has in mind for me, but I have a plan for tomorrow.

Voices: Smiling

Me: Why are you smiling?

Voices: We can be inspiring

Me: really? Where do you go when I sit with the stories? Haan?

Voices: Silence

Me: Thought so…