Tag Archives: holding on

Rumor has it that Little got inked…!!!!!

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I did. I did. I got inked.

For past few weeks, I have been working towards this day. Convincing the family, convincing myself. So, finally it was time. Since Monday I was nervous, freaking out and kind of (SUPER) scared about today. But, I woke up with this thought that if I can walk into a tattoo parlor all by myself and get it over with, I could practically do anything else.

So, I did it. I drove to the Tattoo parlor, sat there and got what I always wanted…musical notes inked on my wrist. That’s another check on the bucket list.

While, I spent last few days breathing heavy and hard shifting from left to right with the anxiety I feel numb right now. Yes, I’m happy. No doubt. I finally have a story now, not that I don’t cause God knows I have a story but now I have a crazy and fun story. Like, guess what I did before I turned 30 kind of story. So yes, I’m happy and thrilled to have followed my heart. But, I don’t know why I’m not jumping. I should be, shouldn’t I?

It’s just that it didn’t feel any different. Not that getting a tattoo could ease the hurt but I thought it would feel different.

Though, I do feel proud of me. It feels like taking control of my life even if it’s for one day. Dude, a tattoo is no joke but I did it even when I had no one to sit there with me with a camera aimed at my am-cool-am-cool-oh-god-am-going-to-die face.

I’m so effin proud of facing my fears and fighting for what I wanted for so long. Truth is, I might not feel different about things in my head but I do feel brave. Cause I just got a Tat… and rumors are true.

Dear Me,

Remember that day you sat there on your bed inking a tattoo on your wrist with a pen, because no way on earth could you ever get one for real.

So, don’t give up on dawn. Not yet.

Myself

 

Don’t quite know, how to say how I feel…!!!!!

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Grey’s Anatomy s11E22, JJ dies and I went all weepy…So why was I crying? Because a fictional patient died? Because I’m a sensitive woman who cries over sad or happy scenes? Because I wanted to cry for days and I just did? I don’t know.

For past few days, I have been wondering about things. I get riled up at home, I hate being at Gotham and I am terrified of every ‘tomorrow’. All that awesome smouldering and smuggy aura that I try to carry at work is a lie I would live for as long as I’m alive. Forever. Because let’s be honest, no way in this life  am I ever going to find dawn. frkn dawn is such an excuse to hold on to an invisible hope.

Day before yesterday, I woke up to a dream that was so beautiful. I was with a friend I miss and my little T-dog was there. It was like being in a world I left a long time ago. Sometimes I dream of Snowy like he never left and I wake up realizing how much I miss him. A friend of mine thinks, one of the reason I’m blue is because he left because everyone around me moves away to different places. True. Almost true. I’m the bluest of blue but not cause every friend I ever made moved away or because my dog died or because I’m an invisible suitcase with a story untold. I’m blue because I’m. That’s who I’m, that’s what I was meant to be a color, a word and a person who would spend rest of her day pretending to be awesome because like they say in Grey’s Anatomy

The carousel never stops moving