Just wanted to talk…

Yes, Avril Lavigne has gone from awesome punk rocker to a pop diva i can’t relate to, but i found a good song from her current album. BTW, if you are someone who fell in love with Avril from Complicated and Nobody’s Home then never ever ever listen to Hello Kitty, cause it would hurt you bad.

I still love her because i grew up with some legendary Avril Lavigne songs…

Anyhow, before i leave you with the song I wanted to talk. Nothing specific, just random. Today, i was sitting in a meeting and some days when i’m a part of such meetings with the big guns, being the only woman in the group, i feel proud of myself. Because lets face it i’m not very good with things, i have worst management skills, i don’t like my work, i have personal struggles 24/7, i dont even have the leadership qualities one need to be a Team Leader and i have these friends called Panic Attack, Anxiety, Depression and Anger. But some days i feel like patting my back because only i know how broken i’m to be sitting around people discussing work and team distribution and management of resources etc etc etc.

Truth is i was taught well my mentor, but its kind of amazing how i’m walking straight on the rope even with the panic button stick to  my skin.

Maybe, i was born to be this…this girl who would be fighting secretly with unseen forces for the rest of her life like a SuperHero, while seeming pretty normal, childish and spoiled to people in her life. Bruce Wayne/Batman or Oliver/Arrow? Don’t know.

But, today i felt proud of me. I know there is no reason i’m the black sheep but i felt like giving myself a pat.

Happy Weekend…

Goodnight world!

Being the odd one out…weirdly creepy or awesomly awesome?

Do you know that girl who walks into a party in her t-shirt, denims and canvas shoes with zero makeup and messy hair? That would be me.

I hate to go to parties because I don’t drink, I don’t like crowd and out of 50 people not a single one is usually my friend. But today I found another reason to dislike parties.

Girl: hey what are you wearing for the office party?
Me: aa..whatever, I haven’t thought much about it
Girl: o come on, you have to wear a dress. You know I bought a black dress. Here I will show you the pictures.
Me: Nice…great dress
Girl: right? I bought it on sale. So what are you wearing?
Me: I don’t know
Girl: Don’t tell me you are wearing what you always wear? you have to wear a dress. You can take one from me.
Me: (banging my head on the wall mentally)
Girl: you know blah blah blah
Girl: and blah blah blah
Me: smiling nodding wondering why the hell I’m even standing there. Later realising I was waiting for the washroom to get vacant.

So, I don’t like girls who think drinking, flirting, partying and getting wasted is fun. While I don’t mind all this (I don’t mind because I’m too self absorbed to notice others for how they live), but I do not like people who judge others on based of what they wear, how much they party, what they drink and how much friends they have.

Only I know how badly I want to avoid the office party, but won’t be able to unless there is a miracle.

Today (no I’m not talking about just this conversation) Gotham was mean to me. At one point, I was at my seat trying to block all the noises with my headphones, while begging my tears to stay right where they are inside and not fall out. I messaged my mentor and best friend and told her I missed her. Truth is when she was with me at Gotham, it was the safest place on earth. Now it just hurts everyday.

Sometimes I wonder how easy would life be if I turn into one of those girls around me. No issues except boys, parties, dresses, shopping and booze. Who is better them or me? They might be crazy nutheads but at the end they do not run from people, are social, do not cry at night and do not live with a fictional world inside their head. While I ask myself if they are better than me, I also wonder how real are they?

You want to know the level to which my awesomeness has dropped? Its been raining since morning and I don’t care much. Yes, you heard me right. I said that and its like so not me. Rain and I are bff but today I didn’t care much.

My laptop is still dead and thus I’m not able to visit all the blogs. Excuse me for that. Will visit soon, just too hard to access blogs on phone and tab.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

When life throws a good day…because it hates sulky opponents…!!!!

Right now my head is spinning, i cant think straight. Wanted to sleep early but had to watch Revenge. But cant do no more. Last night i slept at 4 am trying to fix my NaNo speed and today was a perfect but tiring day, excitement can be exhausting. I can barley feel anything right now, except an urge to fall dead till morning.

Today i had lunch plans with my best friend and now that day is over i’m already missing her. i have lots of friends, good friends and even best friends but she is like my elder sister. Its like having her around makes me feel safe because she is one of the reasons i stay away from the dark and twisted door of my life, which i often end up reaching out to only to step back and walk away.  I miss her and often when she is in town i end up being the hyper kid who just met her Super Hero.

Her visit has actually thrown me back into festive mode, because clearly for past two days i have been having hard time keeping me from breaking and falling into pieces. I think life was getting bored with my sulky face and who likes to play and screw up with someone who says “white flag”?

Have to go now, no NaNo tonight because if i didnt sleep now i guarantee there will be no more writing left to do with a brain damaged to the core. My obsession with NaNo is just my stubbornness to prove myself that i am more than a lost soldier with a battle that’s not even meant to be won. I wish to finish Jane Doe to tell myself that irrespective of everything i still have something i can be proud of, my writing.

Now that im happy i would like to switch off my brain and get refreshed for two days of writing, hopefully i will do.

Some people are sent to your life because God knows you can’t make it to the end on your own. If you can find one person who knows almost everything about you and still accepts you and loves you, well you must ave done something right while doing all the wrongs.

Thankyou!