Merry Christmas…!!!!!

I hope there is a dawn for me and for everyone who needs it. It would be a waste of a good life that we have here if we give up on hope, even if we know its just a thread holding us for little more days or weeks or months or years. We are what we are, no one can change that and that’s what makes us special- our story. Don’t we all have one?

I have a story, a heartache, lots of issues and impossible & hopeless desire of a life I live inside my head. But I don’t ever want to give on hope, I want to believe that even though world is mean and hard and sometimes too racists or judgmental, but there are people who have nothing but love to give. I want to believe its okay to smile at others and at yourself for that’s how you make kindness survive among the seeds of hatred, sown up all around.

If you are someone who is hurting or wondering what is the purpose of anything or trying to hide those tears behind a still smile, I so so so dearly hope you would hold on to hope and smile and love yourself even if its hurting.

Maybe the world is dark and scary, but if you give up now or do not continue walking ahead how will you find kindness and people who would want to hear your story and fall in love with you despite every word you say.

Maybe happy endings are for movies but I hope you would still find a tiny little corner, inside your aching heart, for hope and a smile for yourself.

I hope you would learn to be kind to yourself…that makes a huge difference. Its okay to be your own person, your own super hero and your own Santa. If you can learn to love yourself and be kind to your hurting soul, you will find its not hard to hold on.

If hope is not your thing, if you are seeing the picture of life with all its
ugliness and sharp edges, just be gentle and kind to that person in your mirror.

Hanging on to the invisible threads of Hope…i wish you all

Merry Christmas

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Happy Birthday Maggie…

You gave me movies that not only make me believe in happy endings and old school true romance, but your work has helped me through some tough days. I want to thank you for your movies that i have binged upon and did marathon with when i was running low on smiles and hopes. Kay or Rita or Maggie or Kathleen or Sally or Annie…I’m in love with every single character of yours.

For Meg fans  – pfeifferpfilmsandmegmovies.com/2012/11/18/meg-ryans-birthday/

 

Dawn, Faith, Hope, Love, Happy Endings…

Everyone’s got a story…!!!!

Have you ever wondered about people around you? The ones you see in a mall or a coffee shop with their friends or partners, when they think no one is noticing them, do you ever wonder what their story is? Today while I was sitting alone in Dunkin’s having coffee and working on my story, I looked at few faces around and even when I was walking to my car I couldn’t help but observe people. A part of me was wondering if these faces too have something hidden, a secret, pain or a desire or a broken heart maybe.

It’s hard to imagine other people having hard time, when you are busy fighting unspeakable pain but truth is everyone has got a story to tell. When I was driving to the mall, while singing out loud in my car, I saw a cop standing on the sidewalk. He was probably one of those low paid guys whose job is to observe or keep an eye on people. It was a beautiful evening, good weather and here he was standing all alone. I couldn’t help but wonder what’s his days are like. Does he hate his job like I do? I mean no one likes cops. Usually, cops are always the bad guys because that’s how the world sees them. But was that young man dressed in his uniform a bad guy too? Did he too live on bribe and bullying kind of lifestyle? Or was he just a man who became a cop thinking he would make a difference or because his family thought it’s a good profession?

We all have a story but most of us are way too busy being the hero of our own movie. I’m. I personally spend all my time feeling bad for me, like how the universe is doing injustice to me and how happy endings are like Loch Monster. You never get to see them, but you can and you always talk about them. All the time.

So what made me stop and observe and wonder about other people? Because that’s what you do when you are out on your own. Today I realised that when you walk into a crowd with friends you don’t look around, you are way too busy living the moment. But when you walk into the same crowd all alone, you look around, you listen to the whispers and funny conversations, unwillingly of course, and you observe and wonder.

Lately, I have started spending my weekend evenings or afternoons at coffee shops all alone with my little book and a pen. I get lost in my story with a cup of coffee. It feels weird, funny and sad sometimes to drive to the city alone but that’s what happens when you try to spend your life practising the art of ‘how to shut out the world’.

The story that I’m working on is called “Yours Grace” and chances are no one will ever get to read it but it matters to me.

We just had the same yearly chess tournament thing at Gotham. No I didn’t win the tournament, but I made it to the semi final and best part was a crazy 4 hours long chess match between my CEO and me. I nailed it. But then I lost to some guy. I used to be a chess champ and two back to back winnings made me a hero but now I can’t play like I used to. I would like to believe I’m Roger Federer of Chess, good but not good enough to steal the show.

After a long time i have written so much on my blog, because for some reason, today I feel like talking to someone like nonstop anything. The football final would start at 12:30 am as per Indian time but I don’t think I would be able to stay up. I’m exhausted. I want to see Messi win, but I’m way too exhausted.

Goodnight world!

 

Ghost of past…!!!!

Everything that slipped
Lost, fallen
Broken
And ripped
From you
Will become
A shadow
Walking along
A sad song
For life is
No movie
Happy endings
Aren’t trending
In world of lost
And lonely
Ghost
Of ‘what if’
‘How I wish’
Never leaves
No matter
How much
You grieve
What was
Never will be
What you should
You would
Even if
It bleeds inside
Even if you hide
Ghost of once
Will haunt
Face of fate
Will taunt
You got no
Bus to catch
Stay down
Keep the frown
Or not
Play with memories
Or be played
Let them fade
Or be daggered
Deeper
Harder
Be the hero
Or take
Reality check
But you will fake
For the
Heartache
Will wreck
It all
The urge
To fly or be free
Will be…!!!!

Date with Meg Ryan on a Saturday night…!!!!

Last night was fun and just what I needed because I had a super tiring and exhausting day at Gotham. Saturday is supposed to be my day off but yesterday I had to work and it was very busy day. So I came home kind of tired, my neck was killing me and I was like “I need my Saturday”. But I can’t get my Saturday now, not till next weekend.

So, I sat with my headphones and did what I love the most, a movie marathon. I watched two back to back Meg movies. First one mad me cry like baby, I was crying and wiping tears off my face worried what if my brother walked in the room. Don’t want to be the girl who cries watching movies. Second one was my happy movie to counter the heavy emotions of first movie.

Movies I saw were Courage Under Fire and Kate & Leopold.

I truly believe Courage Under Fire is one of most underrated Meg movies, probably because it’s more of a Denzel Washington movie. Its one movie I can’t watch without crying just can’t.  I mean every time I watch it I end up being a cry baby wiping her tears with sleeves of her sweatshirt. Yeah! I cry when I watch a movie but that’s just between you and me. When her character says “No Surrender” I pretend she is saying that for me when I’m ready to give on my sanity.

I have decided to catch up with Meg movies that i haven’t seen for i don’t know what reason. That’s how my Saturday nights are going to go now.

I have been also listening to this one song again and again. I am not a Taylor Swift fan but there are few songs of her that I love including Mine. I think Mine is a beautiful song but I love its Glee version more.

It’s Sunday and tomorrow I have Gotham again which makes me sad because my weekend was a tiny little glimpse of sunshine. I wish life was like Kate & Leopold, where I could just find true love and leave everything to follow my heart. But that’s where reality and movie differ, the ease of finding happiness, love and happy endings.

I would now like to use my few hours of Sunday to work on one of my stories. I just realised I lost few pages of Dominique when my laptop crashed few months back. Made me so so sad.

Wishing you all a Happy Sunday…

Help me find a “Happy-Sunshine” movie for my 31st night…!!!

Romantic comedies, happy endings, all’s well in the end & life is beautiful kind….i want a movie that would make me smile while saying HI to 2014. Any suggestions?

Because she was…!!!!

Because she was born to smile,

she believed she could love too,

Because she was raised with love,

she thought she could share it too,

Because she was in love,

she thought she could live with it too,

Because she was happy,

she felt it was meant to,

Because she hadn’t met reality,

she didn’t know it could hurt too,

Because she fell so hard,

she lost the battle too,

Because love was always love,

she didn’t know it had restrictions too,

Because she believed in happy endings,

she never thought she wasn’t supposed to,

Because she can’t stop being true,

Lying is something she has to,

Because she was once a little ignorant happy girl,

she cant stop dreaming; so has to…!!!!

 

 

 

All I needed was a hug, but I managed with Uptown Girls…!!!!

Sometimes a part of me tell me to grow up and accept things and the fact that there is no Dawn.

Have you ever watched a movie in a movie hall without even watching it? Like you are looking at the screen but you arent actually watching it.

Today I went for this sad romantic Hindi movie with my friend. When the movie got over I saw two girls on our right crying with tears flowing…real tears. Then I realised they were not the only one crying. A couple sat hand in hand, girl in tears and many more were busy grieving the death of the hero in the movie who committed suicide leaving the heroine alone to live a better life, for she deserved better.

So when I told my friend (who was watching this movie for the second time) that there wasnt a single scene when I felt like crying she looked around and jokingly called me insensitive. We laughed and walked out.

Truth is I wasnt even there during the movie, my mind was lost. How I wish I could tell my friend that I didnt cry because I have already cried for the day. I cried when I was taking shower to get ready, when I was tying my shoe laces, when I was combing my hair….i cried alot even more than those girls in the cinema hall.

Truth is I wish I could tell them that hero’s suicide didnt make me sad cause I was angry at him for doing so, cause I had a thought like that today.

Im not insensitive am broken and drowning.

Today life hit me with reality again. Truth that miracles, dawn and happy endings are part of a world I dont belong to.

I have to go, but am okay now. Feeling so much better after watching Uptown Girls. I cried again when the movie finished but these were tears of happiness. I love this movie. Love Brittany Murphy in this movie.

Goodnight world!!

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I dig happy endings…!!!!

It was a long day and was fun because I went for a movie on a work day taking a break from the routine. It happens rarely but is always a good change from the 9 hours of Gotham where most of my time I’m wondering what happened to things. You know I don’t hate my job, in fact I once loved it but then one fine day everything changed. I find myself sitting among strangers and I don’t love what I write, but I have no idea why I can’t walk away.

Anyhow, so I went for the movie The Impossible (next few lines would be sort of spoilers as I would be talking about the storyline).

It’s based on a true story about a family who went to Thailand for a vacation and were struck by Tsunami. The way they shot every Tsunami scene was wow and the emotions superb. I found myself in tears, at so many points, which is kind of rare, because I prefer to keep my tears in control when watching a movie. My favourite part of the movie was when the 3 little boys (brothers) reunite. The way the younger siblings ran towards their elder brother calling his name I was like please let them meet please. At the end of the movie I found myself whispering “please don’t die, please don’t die, please just don’t die”…and when Naomi’s character makes it through the operation I was like “Phew! Thankyou”.

I loved the movie even though it made me cry so much. When I was begging her not to die, my friend said “you like happy endings right?” Truth is I crave for happy endings in fiction because it makes me feel good. This movie wasn’t fiction and my desperation for a happy ending was even more. What the families went through during Tsunami was too much and I never thought about it before but I saw this movie.

We all hear news about natural disasters and we feel bad when read or hear about this many died or got injured, next day we move on with same life and routine. No one can picture what those injured or people who died went through. A movie can make you actually stop and think.

I have to go because I’m kind of tired which isn’t new considering my love for late nights.