So funny story, after banging my car, dropping mug filled with hot coffee on my laptop i today broke my Nokia 520… Up top?
I guess, im a sad girl with funny stories.
Here i was dreaming of buying me an iPod. For some reason when i dropped my precious little phone and broke the screen, i did not even panic which i usually do. No big NO NO NO NO or OMG OMG OMG. I was like ‘Oh okay’.
I just am the clumsiest girl on the planet. I accept it. I do.
Wasn’t my day. I don’t feel well because of super irritating stomach issues plus some stupid biker banged into my car. Why do people keep on bumping into my car?
Sometimes I go into this phase where when I hear someone crib about life a part of me wants to ask that someone to shut up. I know sounds mean, but it’s not the lack of empathy it’s the anger. I get angry that why is it that I can’t crib out loud. I do. I crib so much and have bad mood days but I have to always come up with some sort of lies to justify my emotions. I lie if someone sees me gloomy. Why can’t I just be an honest cribber? That’s why when I hear a person talk how much life sucks, I want to just walk away or put my headphones on.
I know its mean. But some days the Hulk inside me gets so angry because all I have is lies and pretenses. I don’t know why I’m saying this. How easy life would be if I just spoke but how different my world would be.
You know what’s the saddest thing about living a lie? You can’t defend yourself when people, who love you, end up talking crap about you right in front of you. You can’t blame them because they don’t know they are making fun of you, because they don’t know you or truth about you. So you nod, agree and try to change the topic as smoothly as possible. You kill your pride, swallow the shout and continue with your Oscar level performance of being the person you aren’t.
Sorry, but I’m bitter and angry today and I blame the health. I want my dog right now, but again I can’t have him. I can’t go to a friend crying asking for a hug, for I don’t know what to say when asked about my tears. I can’t tell my mom I need to sleep next to her tonight like I used when I was a little girl; for she would end up worrying that something is wrong.
Truth be told, I just want to stay alone for a day with no one talking to me and me not pretending. Just me, music and a little low profile silent and dull day. Just what I need. But unfortunately, I can’t get a hug or lonely day for weekend is over and I have Gotham from tomorrow.
Some days I feel so small; a tiny little leaf on a tree that would just wither and fall away one day.
So i had a bad Sunday with some really weird kind of Nervous breakdown or whatever it was. Was bad, really bad and i cant even tell you what all went inside my head. But im all okay now. Okay but pissed because yesterday some moron banged his scooter right in my car. Some really crazy girls were trying to cross the road without looking at the traffic, so i had to press BRAKE for them but the scooter guy doesn’t get to do the same and BANG.
My poor car has had some really bad time in past 2 years, poor car i must say.
Today i really missed my diaries, so much that at one point i almost made my up mind about buying a brand new diary and pen to start writing. But then i realised i shouldn’t. A part of me is tempting me to go back to writing diaries but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to go back to old habits.
Good thing i have been sleeping early and playing every day for past 2-3 days. But whoever said that a good 8 hours sleep and exercise is good for depression didn’t knew me or was never depressed. You know i always believed that my blues were the reason i wrote stories but i guess i was wrong because i cant write anymore. Weird i cant even read.
and 124…phew…i still feel bad…
Lately, everyone is discussing the politics around because of the whole election season but i kind of have no opinion. Its like i dont care about anything.
I think i have lost my mojo. I cant feel my awesomeness or anything even remotely close to it plus i dont even feel like dancing on my bed with loud music. Man! that’s the worst.
Little miss obsessive's anatomy!! 