Dear Agnes Obel…!!!!

There are these words in my heads, roaming around in random manners dying to come out but I don’t speak. I don’t speak or write or talk. So they keep jumping around making me feel heavy. I feel heavy because I want to talk.

Am angry at the world right now, so much that I want to continue talking and speaking till every single word inside my head is gone away and I can’t feel the heaviness. But I don’t. I don’t speak.

I think Agnes Obel is the only person whose songs are impossible to kill. I have been hooked to Aventine for days now and its like every time I listen to the song it feels like fresh daisies, even if I have it on replay mode. For someone with a reputation to kill a song, I truly believe she is a Super Hero of music world. You cant defeat her music. No you cant. If I could personally write to her it would go something like this:

Dear Agnes,

I would like to pretend we are good friends and we know each other, but I don’t think we can be friends for you are way too awesome to hang out with. You are a Super Hero. Your music is kind of saving me from some very hard things dancing inside my head. I wish I could tell you how awesome your music, the piano and the whole package with violin and the lyrics is. I would be lying if I said I was always a big fan, I wasn’t. I grew up breathing on Britney and Avril, I still bow to them. But then life happened, grown up life and I found you. Confession I found you from an episode of Revenge and since then I haven’t stopped stuffing my phone with every single song of yours. Among the Gaga, Savage Garden, Evanescence and Macklemore playlist, your songs stand like fresh daisies. Like I said, even on a replay mode they don’t die.

I know this might be the worst fan letter ever, but let me tell you I’m not a big crazy fan I’m just someone who cant imagine not listening to your songs when things go bad. They kind of tell me to close my eyes, go to my happy place and keep it together cause that’s what super heroes do. They fight. Sorry, I forgot to mention this before I kind of believe I’m a Super Hero too and that’s why I have so much respect for you. We are from same deal, we are heroes. Only you are a hero with a power to save people, I on other hand have no power but a lot of fight to go through.

Thanking you for your music from the bottom of  my super messed up heart that breathes on a lot of things and your songs are one of them.

P.S Aventine is awesome but dude Riverside is wow.

Love,

Little

I don’t think I should ever be allowed to write a fan letter to anyone, cause for someone whose job is to write I suck at writing a simple Thankyou-For-Your-Music-Im-A-Fan letter.

I better go now, for its way too late and I have a busy busy day tomorrow. I can hear voices in my head laughing at what I had promised myself about sleeping early. God! I’m going to be in trouble tomorrow. So much for the plan and check list.

Goodnight World!

4 years of infidelity with my diaries…Happy birthday to my blog!!!!

I need a “Don’t talk to me, unless you have an eatable to offer” t-shirt today.

I’m having a work loaded week and today almost killed me. I know I say I like busy days at Gotham but now it’s getting bad. Anyhow, before I continue writing let me tell you why I wasn’t blogging, I’ve become addicted to “Lost” just can’t stop watching it.

I’m so angry right now, not on anyone in particular but on myself maybe. Life isn’t fair, I get that but why can’t i just find something better than Gotham. I guess it’s one of those days when everything in my body wants to quit from Gotham but then I will sleep on it, wake up, drive to work, have my cup of coffee looking at the screen only to realise I cant break the shackles of my comfort zone. Because, I already have a battle inside my head about things bigger than a boring job.

Good thing about the day, my sweet little blog has just turned 4. Yay! Happy birthday to Little Miss Obsessive’s Anatomy. Four frekin years is bloody awesome and quite decent if you think about the fact that I’m a quitter.

I love my blog because it’s the only place I get to be a free-will writer with no boss, no deadlines, no stupid same thing all day, no nothing. I have found friends here, friends with their own world of stories, friends who listen to my cribbing and still come back. I have found a place to talk, talk about anything, everything. This is one place where I can say its hurting and its hurting bad, because I don’t say that in my world, to people around.

I’m exhausted, so can’t do much “YAY” today but maybe tomorrow.

Thank you for being a part of my little blog journey, a place I can say I’m not a happy person and not a great writer, but I smile and write anyway.

Blogger or Blabber? Who cares, its frekn 600th post…Yay

Yesterday i played 5 games of Chess and i won every single game but i wonder why cant i do same when im playing at the yearly Chess Tournament at Gotham. While it was a good day for  me, it wasn’t for my buddy Federer. Anyways, who cares about final now. Victory or no victory i’m always Team Federer…!!!!

Before i go babbling, this is my 600th post and so i want to say YAY…!!!!!!!!!

Crazy right? I think blogging and music have become my drug cant do without them. 6oo posts is super crazy and wow considering the fact that im not even a serious, funny, political, or freshly post material. Im just a messed up person who was once a diary writer and is now a serial blogger.

Hey, i have also added a new page to my blog Poet inside Little’s Head. This one has all the so called poems that i have written so far in my blog. I just compiled them in one place because i have been meaning to do that for so long now. Im not a poet but sometimes i end up scribbling words in a manner which could, from a very far angle, resemble to something like a poem.

Thankyou for being a part of my blog journey…Little doesn’t blog she blabbers but she likes doing it.

Little Hulk…!!!!

Was suppose to be a happy weekend, but i guess that word kind of has some issues with me. Anyhow, weird but am looking forward to go back to Gotham tomorrow.

I am worried about my awesomeness…its all down to minus 20.

Before I go I want to say “Thankyou Veena Sud” for The Killing. What show.

#ThankyouSachin

I don’t want to sound like those devoted sports enthusiast but when Sachin Tendulkar took retirement from ODIs i stopped watching cricket like i used to. That’s a true story.

Cricket has been one thing i watched, played and learned only because i grew up watching Sachin Tendulkar on TV. I had a few posters on my wall when i was a teen, Avril, Britney, Backstreet, an Indian Actress, Disney cartoons and one of him.

So today when the legend played his last cricket match and gave that goodbye speech it was so surreal. Man! It’s like end of an era. Cricket won’t be same ever no matter how many awesome players come.

With Sachin taking a retirement, its a wrap from my end too, because I’m not sure if it would be fun to watch the game without him being in the team. I mean what’s the fun of watching a cricket match when you don’t get scream out loudly “Sachin, Sachin”.

A man so loved, so successful and so awesome, he never let the whole cloud 9 thing get to him. Humble, humble and humble…Sachin Tendulkar is the man who doesn’t fit the standard “Rags to Riches” phrase because he never changed. Maybe he became more appreciative of the love and success but never went on the arrogant side of the love, money and victory.

This one is for him:

To Sir,

Thank You for making cricket what it suppose to be, a gentleman’s game. Thankyou for every cricket match of yours, because whether you scored a century, a double century or a zero, seeing your spirit, your god like aura and your humble smile on the field was always a pleasure. History can never be written without mentioning you in it. It’s an honor to be a part of your cricket journey.

Thankyou for the millionth time, sir.

Drumroll…..500th Post…!!!!!

Cheers

Little Miss Obsessive’s Anatomy is special for, its my diary, my mind, my place and i look forward to writing something, anything every day.

Today is the 500^th post day which is crazy, unbelievable and awesome. Wow. So Wow.

Little is so thankful to each and everyone who follows, who likes, who reads and who passes by the blog. This is a virtual land painted by various colours of my mood, blue, sunshine, rainbow, dark, crazy, twisty and awesome.

As you can see i have changed the theme and here is the new addition to my blog – a new page – Random People in Little’s Phone

 

Happy Birthday Snowy…i miss you!!!!!

Hi Tippy,

Happy Birthday my love. I miss you alot and i wish i could hug you today. Just cant stop thinking of good times we have had together. I still remember the days when you were a little pup and i used to you put you in my cycle’s basket and drive around, as a proud owner of a cute little beautiful puppy.

The day i lost you would never leave me and the day i first met you is still so fresh in my mind. I was so scared to hold you, never had held anything so tiny so pretty so beautiful before.

I still keep your side of the bed empty at night, because i would like to believe you are around. I keep forgetting you have left and every time i walk in from the door, it hits me cause you no longer come running to me saying you missed me.
Truth is im not the only one who misses you, everyone at home thinks about you talks about you.

I cant thankyou enough for coming in my life, for letting me be a part of you, for loving me and letting me have the honour of being your friend.

I love you and miss you…
Happy Birthday Snowy!!!!!!!

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Thankyou Little…!!!!

Maybe im just an emotionaly disturbed woman, but truth is I need signs to keep moving on. Today I made it to the semi finals of the Chess tournament and I cant stop feeling emotional and happy about it. I know its the not the finals, but it means so much to me.

Last time at this time I was sort of low and in a situation where I lost will to play. I lost my first match and I told myself it doesnt matter, I was wrong. I have spent a lot of nights telling myself im good for nothing, because all I do is give worries to people who care. But when I win a game it gives me a sign that am not a loser. A good game only helps me feel good about myself, stops me from telling myself I am a bad person.

I played well this year and I am happy I proved myself to me. Will give my best but today’s victory is kind of special to me. I had stopped playing the game and here im… back in semis.

I am going to play against my boss on Thursday…going to be tough, but I will worry about it later cause right now im busy thanking myself for holding on.

Goodnight world!!

Perfect song for the day would be Glee’s Loser like me.

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400th post & a thankyou note…!!!!

Sometimes dark

mostly blue

sharing with you

all my colors

all my days

even the voices

and the heroes

living inside me

together we

you and me

walk

talk

and make

a world

of words and memmories

place i share

my worrries

my darkness

the mess

and the smiles

while

i hop on

from

one day to another

winter to summer

thankyou

is for you

cant sing

but can write

to you

stay there

stay here

its a long way

of being gay

of being blue

for you and i

Its not me

we

make

littlemissobsessives’sanatomy…!!!!

 

 

I will never forget you my love…never!!!!

I have been blue for so long, have had worst nightmare, bad thoughts, and self-destructive ideas but never in my life I felt a pain like today. Usually when I’m sad it’s a physical pain that hurts somewhere inside me, I feel heavy and sad which gets better once I cry it out. This pain is not physical, not heavy and nothing that I can forget over a good cup of coffee, a nice movie and a happy day. Its emptiness. I feel empty and I can’t fill it. A part of me died today when my Snowy died.

People think I’m sad, but it’s not sadness it’s like living in absence of something. Since morning my room, my bed, my house and my life feels weird. Like something is missing and I can’t find it anymore. But I have to. I need to. But I can’t.

I don’t want to be like this, I don’t people to know I’m sad because it would hurt me if someone said “its okay, he was a dog”. It would. But I can’t stop grieving.

I couldn’t sleep last night because he was restless, in pain and ill. Ever since he got sick I tried to tell myself that one day we might have to put him down for his good; to save him from pain. I never thought I would see him die. I did. He stopped breathing right in front of me. I cannot get this morning out of my mind. His face, when he died, won’t leave my eyes.  I have never seen anyone die before, I have never cried on anyone’s death before. When i called his name and tried to check his pulse, i heard heavy heart thumping noise coming from inside me. I felt my heartbeat, i heard it loud.

I don’t want anyone to tell me to stop being sad because he was a dog, he was ill and its ok now. I don’t want to tell myself “cry now all you want don’t do it tomorrow or people will think you are being dramatic”. I want to cry because I’m sad, I’m broken and I miss him.

Even now I keep forgetting he is not here and I try to look at the corner of my bed wanting to check if he is sleeping okay. Lights went out and I almost said “people don’t step on Snowy”, I didn’t.

 

 

I hope, I just hope, he knew how much I loved him. I am so thankful to him for coming into my life.