Batman just had a long weekend with her person. I know I’m screwed at so many levels and my future is a bright dark wallpaper but right now, right here I’m in my happy place. Sometimes I wonder what would I do without my person.
Little sad that I’m going back to my city today, but dude I needed this break. For now I’m grateful for the weekend.
P.S I have decided to blame my obsession for Starbucks on You’ve Got Mail, Kathleen Kelly and my ADD…!!!!
Posted from WordPress for Android
Last two days were beautiful and I’m glad I fought the fear of being around people. Gotham city and its people went for a trip and Batman was invited too. Yep! We had an office trekking trip and I after spending days singing ‘To go or not to go’ finally said yes and went.
Have black and blue marks over my arms, got stung by thorns while trekking and slipping hundred times and have a twisted ankle that hurts bad…but it was all worth cause I had an amazing time. I walked out of my comfort zone, went trekking with people I usually say Hi and nothing more, stayed in tents, went hiking and trekking and was away from my mp3 player, my novel, my coffee and my internet for two whole days.
I missed two things, a friend because I wish she could see the place and I missed my music. Yes I miss music even when I’m having time of my life. But truth is I want to do more of such stuff, escape the crazy world and drive down to mountains and live at a remote but highly beautiful place where all you can hear is sound of wind and your own heart beat.
Even as I sit with a bandage on my foot, I can’t stop wondering when I would get a break like this again.
During the trek there came a moment when everyone went ahead and I stood listening to the sound of wind all alone. We were on a mountain and the wind was blowing crazy, so I stood while everyone kept walking. It was beautiful, scary but beautiful and for a second I wished I could just sit down there let everyone go back and leave me. I wanted to stay back there forever. Because despite the fact that I almost got lost on top of a mountain surrounded by trees, and nothing but trees, and super strong wind that sounded like waterfall, I felt so safe.
I was so far away from things I fear. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t.
I don’t miss the fun or the place, I miss that one moment when i felt the wind through me and all i could think about was the fact that I felt no fear. I miss being not afraid.
Some people are like cover songs…beautiful in their own way!!!!
An indian wedding is nothing but crazy. Tonight we laughed so much that i don’t know when was the last time i had a moment like this.
Wedding and the whole relative gathering still scares me, i miss my Friday nights, lonely karaoke and endless cups of coffee but i wont deny im enjoying this tiny break from everyday ‘s monotonous work routine.
Everyone is like you are next Little but my defense mechanism is totally immune to it. Its amazing how im filtering all scary stuff and having a good time.
Im not like any person here but its okay. I needed a break.
This house is where i have spent a huge time of my baby childhood days, when i was a sweet little girl who knew nothing about life. I love this house because of my childhood memories. I wasn’t really close to my grandmother but everytime i visit this house a part of me wants to see her once. Dont know why but i kind of miss her, like this house feels incomplete without her. I don’t even think i ever spent more than five minutes with her after growing up but im used to visiting this place with her being there.
I must go now. My throat is itchy and there are two more days of crazy indian wedding with so much fun.
Best part kids love me. Don’t know why and how. But im popular among my nieces and nephews.
Goodnight world!
Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone
Today was a good day because I had fun, because I was with friends, because it was raining and because I was driving through puddles of water splashing water and screaming like a kid.
Some days I’m happy because I’m living inside my head, a world away from the one in front of my eyes and then there are days I’m living in past, the faint memories of good days that went by in a jiffy. Today was one such day; I was having fun and remembering good old days when a day like today was every day.
Right now I wish I was with my brother on his trip, but I’m not. He and my cousin are going to Srinagar the most beautiful land I have ever known.
Break, vacation, holiday…3 words I haven’t been friends with for long now. Some days I wish I had time to just sit idle all day, waste hours and not worry about it because I had time lots of it, to waste. But then I cant sit idle.
You know some of the very good publication houses don’t take unsolicited work which means I can strike them of my list, because I don’t have agents or money to hire one. I may never become an author people would recommend but I want to become an author, one who got published.
Life doesn’t look good from where I stand but at least I can say I went down fighting, right?
Most of us don’t realise how quickly life changes because we are too busy mixing up with and adapting to the changes, new faces, new routines and the new world. This is where I end up being the last one standing, because when these changes cover my world I can’t stop pushing myself to the place I was standing.
Today I don’t have any episode to watch so I’m wondering, book? Download some episode? Watch one of the movies on my laptop? Write a new story? Edit Jane Doe? Watch TV? Or just lie down with my headphones on?
I am enjoying the weather, because monsoon is like the best time of the year. It’s rainy, windy, chilly and nice. If you know what Indian summers are like, you will love monsoon too.
A cup of coffee, a rainy day, a slow day, laptop and headphones…just few of the things I want. I hope I get it tomorrow, I hope it rains again tomorrow; I hope I can just be me and have some Me-Time tomorrow again.
Today I was sitting alone in my car, waiting for my friends, and I saw this street dog and I was looking at him and smiling. A part of me wanted to just go and hug him, something that happens a lot. If I could I would hug every dog I see. Because I can’t hug mine, I can’t. This is one void that will hurt me forever even if I get my Dawn, even if life gives me a miracle and I end up happy. I don’t think I can ever stop missing Snowy.
I got to go, hope it will be a rainy day tomorrow because I need it to be, because I am a sad soul who looks for tiny little happy moments to recharge the inner awesomeness.
Goodnight World!
P.S i think i will write something anything, Dominique maybe.
So I’m avoiding writing, any kind of whether its blogging or working on my story. I’m just not sure how to write, because writing makes me real and I’m trying to be not me. I’m trying to be someone, anyone but not me because the real me is messed up and needs fixing.
Im trying to bury myself in Gossip Girl and endless number of songs while keeping me up till late night so that when i actually go to bed ready to close my eyes, i would be so tired that i wont have time to think and i will automatically fall asleep…Voila…no thoughts, no blues, no tears and no nothing. But being too smart always means you are being too stupid to, for example while i try to keep me busy, exhausted and away from thoughts im also throwing me into a sleep deprived monstrous mode where i might sleep without thoughts but i wake up bitter, angry, tired, exhausted and asking for sleep.
Lately i have started keeping a small diary with me at work, which helps when im having moments where i need to blurt out things but i cant.
Let me say this, i love Blair Waldorf and she is the only reason i watch Gossip Girl or maybe she is the biggest reason among others. I love Lily and Rufus too, their love is so cute. Im not a big fan of Serena but i do kind of like it when she always leaves her stuff to be with her best friend. But i cant stop this Gossip Girl topic without mentioning Dorota. Man! she is awesome.
Truth be told this is not the weekend i wanted, i had a busy day today and will have the same tomorrow but i just need a slow boring lonely weekend where im tortured with nothing but my own company.
Today my mom asked me about the status of Jane Doe and i told her its on hold for now because i need a break. Truth is i need break from my thoughts, so i can actually write plus i need break from endless episodes of television shows that i keep downloading to burn my mind.
I’m addicted to fiction, cant get rid of my headphones and super sleep deprived…!!!!
So life says ceasefire…I don’t know if its for a day or a week, but I know I can feel my pulse again and im breathing. Yay!
But stupid cold and fever won’t let me cherish the moment. Now, all I need to do is manage next 9 hours tomorrow and I have my two days of rest. No one knows what hit me and what went through my head except my one super friend. I don’t know what I would have without her, because I was losing my mind.
I wish there was some miracle for me, wish there was someone who would save me. But it’s a battle that I will lose and nothing can change that. So all I need is to make myself strong which crazy because I thought I was strong. Some Nights is my anthem right now as I listen to it on replay mode.
I cant live if im not living as me. Not being me can be lethal for me.
Okay people time for my medicine and a nap. Hope I wake up well enough to go to work, play Scrabble in evening and come home to series of episodes waiting for me. Fingers crossed!
Goodnight World!
Right now, I wish to type everything that is inside me, even the deepest darkest corner of me but then that would be crazy and the end of my social existence. I don’t really care about people, wasn’t born that way but I do care about people in my life.
Sometimes I try to tell myself maybe it’s all going to end up fine, maybe everything that will happen will only put pieces in their right places and I will find the dawn. Maybe is a big word but I can’t trust it, so I don’t live in the whole aura of maybe. I can’t.
It’s snowing in the northern part of my country and I wish I could just take a break, pack my bag and go there. Only problem, it’s me and I can’t do that. Then again I do have a vacation plan I just need universe to not screw it. yesterday after a long long time I wrote few pages on one of my pocket diary that I keep in my bag for “breakdown” days when I end up going bluer than blue. So I wrote and it felt good.
I’m supposed to sleep now and I will do just that.
Today in the evening when I came home I accidentally placed my phone on a wet surface; there was some water on the table. I cleaned it and then I forgot. Few minutes later I was walking snowy when I realised my phone is off. My phone usually doesn’t switch off even on low battery and as far I remember it had some battery I think. I tried to restart it but I won’t start, I panicked. Usually the first thought people have about their dead phone is how to receive or make calls, my first thought was “fck no don’t die how will I go to office without music and headphones”. True story. I panicked that with no phone I will have no access to my music and there are still 2 more days to go before weekend.
I really need an iPod or something because while my phone is fine and alive it might someday actually die and leave me with no music. I will die if I have to go through my day without my headphones. I need music to turn off the whole cocktail of emotions inside me or in some cases to start flow of emotions.
Good news my mother is coming back tomorrow.
So its 130 and i need coffee, actually i need to sleep coffee is something i want to cheer me up. I wish i had icecream in the fridge but there is none. Okay i really need to go, i have Gotham and two more days. I am so looking forward to the weekend so i can sleep for 9-10 hours like crazy.
Have to work on Jane Doe too on the weekend. I miss the thrill of November but it’s okay December is my favourite month too.
Goodnight world!
Little miss obsessive's anatomy!! 