You put Superman against Batman, of course Superman is going to win but I would still root for Batman cause a human battling heartache, bad guys and the unsympathetic crowd of haters is more heroic than a guy with super powers, gorgeous hair, ability to fly and a hot Louis Lane ogling over him…
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Posted from WordPress for Android
There are these words in my heads, roaming around in random manners dying to come out but I don’t speak. I don’t speak or write or talk. So they keep jumping around making me feel heavy. I feel heavy because I want to talk.
Am angry at the world right now, so much that I want to continue talking and speaking till every single word inside my head is gone away and I can’t feel the heaviness. But I don’t. I don’t speak.
I think Agnes Obel is the only person whose songs are impossible to kill. I have been hooked to Aventine for days now and its like every time I listen to the song it feels like fresh daisies, even if I have it on replay mode. For someone with a reputation to kill a song, I truly believe she is a Super Hero of music world. You cant defeat her music. No you cant. If I could personally write to her it would go something like this:
Dear Agnes,
I would like to pretend we are good friends and we know each other, but I don’t think we can be friends for you are way too awesome to hang out with. You are a Super Hero. Your music is kind of saving me from some very hard things dancing inside my head. I wish I could tell you how awesome your music, the piano and the whole package with violin and the lyrics is. I would be lying if I said I was always a big fan, I wasn’t. I grew up breathing on Britney and Avril, I still bow to them. But then life happened, grown up life and I found you. Confession I found you from an episode of Revenge and since then I haven’t stopped stuffing my phone with every single song of yours. Among the Gaga, Savage Garden, Evanescence and Macklemore playlist, your songs stand like fresh daisies. Like I said, even on a replay mode they don’t die.
I know this might be the worst fan letter ever, but let me tell you I’m not a big crazy fan I’m just someone who cant imagine not listening to your songs when things go bad. They kind of tell me to close my eyes, go to my happy place and keep it together cause that’s what super heroes do. They fight. Sorry, I forgot to mention this before I kind of believe I’m a Super Hero too and that’s why I have so much respect for you. We are from same deal, we are heroes. Only you are a hero with a power to save people, I on other hand have no power but a lot of fight to go through.
Thanking you for your music from the bottom of my super messed up heart that breathes on a lot of things and your songs are one of them.
P.S Aventine is awesome but dude Riverside is wow.
Love,
Little
I don’t think I should ever be allowed to write a fan letter to anyone, cause for someone whose job is to write I suck at writing a simple Thankyou-For-Your-Music-Im-A-Fan letter.
I better go now, for its way too late and I have a busy busy day tomorrow. I can hear voices in my head laughing at what I had promised myself about sleeping early. God! I’m going to be in trouble tomorrow. So much for the plan and check list.
Goodnight World!
I need an Assistant, there is an opening but the only problem is I need the candidate to look exactly like me, speak me and act me. Sounds crazy I know, but it’s just I am lately too busy visiting the blank space inside my head that I can hardly focus on anything. Anything. Work, things I like, things I don’t like, things I would want to do or not do. Nothing, I can’t find time to focus on anything for I’m busy getting lost to nowhere.
No,no,no I’m not going bonkers…O may be I’m. I have no idea I lost interest when you started speaking. Yep that’s me I lose interest in everything in 1, 2, …wait, what were we talking about?
It’s like my mind thinks white flag is the new black, so even in a battle against blues when I need my mental fitness the most my mind is busy asking stupid questions…Are we in a battle? Since when? Who is the enemy? Wait do we get guns?
Isn’t this the time when someone says “You need a vacation”? O wait, no one knows I have a head that’s ruining my life.
Truth is I do find it hard to do things now, whether it’s focusing at work or writing my stories which I love. I just don’t feel motivated or even energetic or focused enough to do things. Even in a busy meeting I find myself wandering into a blank space inside my head.
While, this isn’t something new, I have been a master of blanking out or spacing out for a quite a while now, problem is this is the time when I need my head in the game. Things are changing at a supersonic pace at Gotham city. I need to be my best, yet I find myself sitting at my work station looking at the screen as my coffee gets cold and the music on my shuffle keeps changing from fast to slow to blues to rap to pop to country to instrumental.
It’s like sometime my mind puts on this big board “Don’t give a damn” and then goes away for a long walk, while I try to find ways to act like I’m the smartest person on the planet by nodding, smiling, and raising eyebrows at the right time, to show that I’m very much present in the conversation.
At work, I’m literally standing on a ship that has been hit by a large gigantic iceberg and I don’t know how to swim but I’m fine, I’m good. Instead of running to the safety boats, jumping in the water with a balloon jacket or simply doing something, anything, I’m sitting on the edge enjoying the view of the ocean, sipping on to an invisible chardonnay and telling myself how pretty the sky is.
I need a “Don’t talk to me, unless you have an eatable to offer” t-shirt today.
I’m having a work loaded week and today almost killed me. I know I say I like busy days at Gotham but now it’s getting bad. Anyhow, before I continue writing let me tell you why I wasn’t blogging, I’ve become addicted to “Lost” just can’t stop watching it.
I’m so angry right now, not on anyone in particular but on myself maybe. Life isn’t fair, I get that but why can’t i just find something better than Gotham. I guess it’s one of those days when everything in my body wants to quit from Gotham but then I will sleep on it, wake up, drive to work, have my cup of coffee looking at the screen only to realise I cant break the shackles of my comfort zone. Because, I already have a battle inside my head about things bigger than a boring job.
Good thing about the day, my sweet little blog has just turned 4. Yay! Happy birthday to Little Miss Obsessive’s Anatomy. Four frekin years is bloody awesome and quite decent if you think about the fact that I’m a quitter.
I love my blog because it’s the only place I get to be a free-will writer with no boss, no deadlines, no stupid same thing all day, no nothing. I have found friends here, friends with their own world of stories, friends who listen to my cribbing and still come back. I have found a place to talk, talk about anything, everything. This is one place where I can say its hurting and its hurting bad, because I don’t say that in my world, to people around.
I’m exhausted, so can’t do much “YAY” today but maybe tomorrow.
Thank you for being a part of my little blog journey, a place I can say I’m not a happy person and not a great writer, but I smile and write anyway.
Today, i took half day leave from work because it was my friend’s birthday. While it was suppose to be her day, i think it was more of my day. Because i needed to cool off and a day-off on a working day was what i needed.
I’m not a leader, not the Alpha and not the frontier soldier. So sometimes i find it hard to work with the people at Gotham. Last two days were kind of rough work wise, nothing that i couldn’t handle but it just made me upset about how much that place has changed and how different it has become. It’s not the place i fell in love with once.
Even when i lost in bowling and scrabble i didn’t care because i was far away from Gotham. I wish i was a person strong enough to get up and walk away, but i am already in a battle i don’t want more.
Some days i just want to drop my hero act and hold on to someone for rescue but help isn’t coming so i guess i will have to be my own person, for as long as possible.
What can i say, Superheroes aren’t allowed to carry a white flag.
Super tired, got to go.
Goodnight world!
Today I started with a new book and I have decided to read a little, everyday. Too much of TV shows are keeping me away from reading and writing. Fact is I indulge in marathon fictional shows to stay busy and away from my inner turbulence. But now its time for me to give time to other things too.
Thankyou Internet God for my internet service are down just when I needed a push towards reading.
I also need to, now, get back to my daily workout. Cause I cant let myself be like this. Unfortunately for people like me who cant cry out loud, both the patient and shrink live in same body. Self destruction and self help go hand in hand in my case.
I have few pictures on my wardrobe. Pictures of family, friends, snowy and few from my childhood. In one picture I see a small very small girl wearing her father’s army cap and smiling while giving a salute to whoever was taking the picture. Everytime I look at that picture of mine, I wonder if I was happy back then. Truly happy. If I ever knew how life was going to turn out. I look happy and safe from future.
I want to go back to being her, the little girl in that photograph. But fact is I cant go back being a little girl anymore, the girl who knew nothing about world and its strange ways.
So I just try to be a self proclaimed super hero who has secrets, who has a battle and who is loved by everyone because noone knows that the face behind the mask is another average person made of flesh and hone.
Weird I wasnt suppose to write an emotional blog just an update on my plans about focusing on reading.
Goodnight world!
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Today I feel sad and ashamed at being the person I have to pretend to survive among people with closed minds. There is nothing worse than being a part of a conversation you don’t support, but can’t let others knows…so you smile, nod and pretend to understand.
This woman in my office comes to me with a gossip and cracks joke about a topic am not comfortable talking about, but there is nothing I can do so I pretend to blend in. Whereas, all I wanted to do was tell her to get a life. I wanted her to stop being a freakin loser and stop meddling with what others do.
This has happened a lot, so many times now and today only made me realise the truth behind the world I live in. Its like im in a war only i cant fight to defend my honor. I know she was making fun of someone else but she didnt know how much it was all coming back to me. I’m angry but its okay, I m used to it.
To make my day worst I get a huge, like huge, bill from my mobile company and the nice lovely people have charged me for my internet usage despite my asking them for an internet usage saving pack. My bill says I had no pack activated so everything I did on my phone was costing me. Man I could have done decent shopping in that money but now I have to pay them. I plan to visit them tomorrow and talk them, I know it won’t help but at least I can take out my anger. Well, to be honest I am taking my friend as I can hardly scream on anyone. Oh! how I wish I could.
I have to go to my book because I’m sad, angry, ashamed and so blue. Why can’t we have a world with no hatred, no judgements, no mocking, no discrimination and no MORONS?
Goodnight World!
P.S I have been given two blog award nominations. Will thank you my friend tazeinmirzasaad soon. Thankyou.
So life says ceasefire…I don’t know if its for a day or a week, but I know I can feel my pulse again and im breathing. Yay!
But stupid cold and fever won’t let me cherish the moment. Now, all I need to do is manage next 9 hours tomorrow and I have my two days of rest. No one knows what hit me and what went through my head except my one super friend. I don’t know what I would have without her, because I was losing my mind.
I wish there was some miracle for me, wish there was someone who would save me. But it’s a battle that I will lose and nothing can change that. So all I need is to make myself strong which crazy because I thought I was strong. Some Nights is my anthem right now as I listen to it on replay mode.
I cant live if im not living as me. Not being me can be lethal for me.
Okay people time for my medicine and a nap. Hope I wake up well enough to go to work, play Scrabble in evening and come home to series of episodes waiting for me. Fingers crossed!
Goodnight World!
Little miss obsessive's anatomy!! 